Roller Coaster Christian

Hey all!

So it's been a little while......

I'm in Traverse City, MI with my family for a few days and I have some time, so I thought I'd tell you about my vacation.

The road trip was wonderful. Angie and I had a marvelous time. We left really early (5a.m.) and made good time all the way back to Michigan. Thanks SO much for your prayers! I know they made all the difference. It was a great trip.....good memories, and it was nice to spend some quality time with Angie.

When we got back to good old Spring Arbor, my grandparents were at the house! It was wonderful to spend time with my whole family (except Nana...Dad's mom, she was dearly missed!) We had an action packed week of shopping, eating, talking, wrapping and having fun. We had a "fake Christmas" (phrase coined by Alicia) on Thursday the 20th with Nanny and Grandpa. I got a blender and some pots and pans (among many other wonderful gifts!) I'm told that getting excited about a blender is the beginning of a new phase of life.

Jeremy got home the day after I did....it was SO good to spend time with him! We had a lot of fun spending time with his family and with my family. In fact, I danced at my church on Christmas Eve, and Jeremy along with his mom, dad (Sue, Jeff), brother (Justin) and soon-to-be-sister (Laura) all came to watch. Then we had our annual Christmas Eve get together at the house.....so much fun!

It was wonderful to visit my friends too! Some I had seen at Thanksgiving, others I hadn't seen since June! It was SO nice to be home and to hang out with everyone.


All in all, I've been spending a lot of time with the people that are important to me.....except one.

I have to be honest, I've neglected Jesus. Why is it that it's so easy to do my devotions when I'm in the routine of it, but as soon as things change, I squeeze God out? He should be the one I depend on ALL the time.....not just when I feel like I "need" him. I feel "unplugged" for lack of a better word. It's like, when I'm in my normal routine, I'm plugged in, I'm getting energy.....He is my strength, the power behind everything I do. When I'm on vacation, it's like I trade my power cord for a battery pack. I use the energy that I've been saving up, but I'm not getting anything new. I'm doing good things, and making good choices because I know I should, but I'm doing them in my own strength. The thing about a battery pack is that it runs out. Instead of being connected to the power source, I've been trying to run on batteries, and the batteries are burnt out. I can feel the lack of time spent with the Father. It's a weird feeling. I just feel cut off, disconnected....it's the feeling I get when I don't talk with my best friends for a few days, and it's sad. It's especially frustrating because I KNOW what to do, I just haven't done it.

Thankfully, there is grace. God is good. He's always waiting for me to come back. And I can't stand being away any longer....it's painful. I need to get back into my daily walks with the Lord. I can see where most Christians get stuck in a rut. If you're just doing life everyday, kids, husband/wife, job, church, friends, bills, vacations......it's easy to squeeze God out. What does it take to move past this stage where my quiet times are inconsistent (and based on my circumstances to some degree)...and to get to the point where I can't live without them? That's where I want to be.

Accountability is key for this kind of thing....and a bit of will power/self control....and most importantly a lot of grace and conviction from the Holy Spirit.

-Julie

P.S. If you want some GREAT reading, I highly recommend this sequence of "rhyming words." I'm sure you will be challenged, and your perspective will be changed by reading the Bible from this point of view.

Almost home

Hey all!

I just wanted to give you a quick update. Angie (my sister) is here for the weekend!!!! She got in Thursday and we're driving home Monday. I would appreciate your prayers....I'm sure we'll be fine, but it's kind of a long drive.......

The show last night went really well. To be honest, I'm not in a whole lot of the show...but I enjoy hanging out with the other dancers back stage. Good times.


I'm headed out to the theater, we have a show tonight and another one tomorrow! Then we're leaving Monday around 4:30 a.m. to come back to Michigan!


I'll be seeing most of you then. Love you!

-Julie

Captivated

Hi guys!

Well, it finally caught up with me. I got sick. I know, I know, you all knew it would happen.....oh well. It's cool how it happened though. The Lord uses everything to teach me something, and he always knows how much I can handle.

This past week I had nine shows (well, two were dress rehearsals, but same difference). Sunday morning I woke up with a raging fever, chills, sore throat, headache...you know the feeling. It's the "I can't believe I feel this bad and I still have fourteen hours until I get to go back to bed" feeling. Anyway, I had two shows yesterday, and my head was so stuffed up I was having a hard time balancing on two feet, let alone on the tip of one toe spinning in endless circles.

I don't remember a whole lot of what happened on stage, I just know it was amazing. I didn't feel like I was dancing, I felt like I was being carried, it was incredible. I wobbled, but never fell, I got dizzy, but never lost my balance. Jesus gets all the glory. I slept until a few minutes before I went on stage for the first show (wrapped in about five coats and tons of scarves)...I felt a little better for the second show, but I was still relying on Jesus.

It was so neat to have to trust the Lord with something that I feel like I am totally comfortable with. Dancing is pretty much second nature by now, but I had to trust Jesus just to stand up yesterday. It reminded me how much I need him in everything. There are so many days that I think I can handle the "easy" stuff, so I decide to trust Jesus with the "big things." I don't think that's what I'm supposed to be doing. I think he wants me to rely on him in everything, not just the things that are completely out of my control.

As a little bonus, I thought I'd include the lyrics to another of my favorite songs. It's called "Captivated" by Vicky Beeching. I just love this song, it puts into words how I feel about Jesus:

Verse 1:
Your laughter it echoes like a joyous thunder

Your whisper it warms me like a summer breeze

Your anger is fiercer than the sun in its splendor

You're close and yet full of mystery

and ever since the day that I saw Your face

try as I may I cannot look away

I cannot look away


Chorus:
Captivated by You

I am captivated by You

May my life be one unbroken gaze

fixed upon the beauty of Your face



Verse 2:
Beholding is becoming so as You fill my gaze

I become more like You and my heart is changed

Beholding is becoming so as You fill my view

transform me into the likeness of You

this is what I ask for all my days

that I may never look away

never look away


Bridge:
No other could ever be as beautiful

No other could ever steal my heart away

No other could ever be as beautiful

No other could ever steal my heart away

I just can't look away

Hymns

Each day at Ballet Magnificat we have a different person lead devotions. Mr. John led yesterday....and he is awesome! He plays mostly hymns, and then we spend a lot of time in prayer. Good stuff. I like almost any music that glorifies the Lord, but there's something really good about hymns. The words are SO deep and meaningful. In Christ Alone is my favorite (and yes, I know it was written recently). My other favorites are Be Still My Soul, Precious Lord Take my Hand, Great is Thy Faithfulness and Before the Throne.

I love how hymns teach theology. If a non Christian went to a "hymn sing" they would hear the message of salvation just as clearly as if they heard a sermon. Praise music and worship music also have their place. Sometimes I have days where all I can say is "holy, holy, holy." Jeremy and I were talking about this one time, and he pointed out that all types of music are scriptural:

"Speak to one another with psalms, hymns and spiritual songs. Sing and make music in your heart to the Lord, always giving thanks to God the Father for everything, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ." Ephesians 5:19-20

"Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom, and as you sing psalms, hymns and spiritual songs with gratitude in your hearts to God." Colossians 3:16


Just something to think on: Musical preference has nothing to do with worship. Worship isn't about music.

Love,

Julie

P.S. This weather is RIDICULOUS! It's December 8th and 75 degrees.....I usually like warm weather, but this is annoying. It doesn't feel like Christmas at all! No good. I want to go back north to see the snow!

Words of Life

Isn't scripture amazing? It's the only thing in the world that can truly calm my fears and give me hope. It's so easy to try and make other people/things/relationships satisfy my desire for words that can calm and heal.

A few weeks ago I was having a rough day, and ended up calling about five people to reassure me, tell me that everything was going to be okay.....ect. When I finished talking, I realized that I was just as upset and empty as before. The Lord spoke so clearly to me and said, "Julie, my words are words of life, no one else can satisfy."

I've held that in my heart since then and repeat it to myself and other often, "His words are words of life, no one else can satisfy."


I told you guys about the study of the gospels that I've been doing lately, but sometimes I need to read other things as well. I hadn't read the Psalms in a while (I was on this kick for a while that the Psalms were for people who couldn't handle the hard stuff in scripture....I'm retarded....they're just as much a part of the Bible as anything else!) Anyway, Psalm 34 really encouraged me. I hope it will speak to you as well.

I will extol the LORD at all times;
his praise will always be on my lips.

2 My soul will boast in the LORD;
let the afflicted hear and rejoice.

3 Glorify the LORD with me;
let us exalt his name together.

4 I sought the LORD, and he answered me;
he delivered me from all my fears.

5 Those who look to him are radiant;
their faces are never covered with shame.

6 This poor man called, and the LORD heard him;
he saved him out of all his troubles.

7 The angel of the LORD encamps around those who fear him,
and he delivers them.

8 Taste and see that the LORD is good;
blessed is the man who takes refuge in him.

9 Fear the LORD, you his saints,
for those who fear him lack nothing.

10 The lions may grow weak and hungry,
but those who seek the LORD lack no good thing.

11 Come, my children, listen to me;
I will teach you the fear of the LORD.

12 Whoever of you loves life
and desires to see many good days,

13 keep your tongue from evil
and your lips from speaking lies.

14 Turn from evil and do good;
seek peace and pursue it.

15 The eyes of the LORD are on the righteous
and his ears are attentive to their cry;

16 the face of the LORD is against those who do evil,
to cut off the memory of them from the earth.

17 The righteous cry out, and the LORD hears them;
he delivers them from all their troubles.

18 The LORD is close to the brokenhearted
and saves those who are crushed in spirit.

19 A righteous man may have many troubles,
but the LORD delivers him from them all;

20 he protects all his bones,
not one of them will be broken.

21 Evil will slay the wicked;
the foes of the righteous will be condemned.

22 The LORD redeems his servants;
no one will be condemned who takes refuge in him.


Amen.

-Julie

His name shall be called....

Who is Jesus?

Is he a beautiful man with long brown hair and loving eyes? Is he a battered corpse hanging from a cross? Is he a tiny baby lying in a manger? Is he a warrior coming down on the clouds of heaven? Who is this man that I am so devoted to?

Those were the questions that I was asking myself about a month ago, so I decided to do a biographical study of Jesus. I've been going through the gospels trying to see what Jesus was like. I'm trying to understand his personality, his attitude, his mind set...everything that made him who he was. I'm doing this because I want to be more like him. I want to understand how he lived his life so that I can follow that. It's been awesome! I know him as Lord and Savior....I'm learning to know him as Provider and Master.....and now I want to know him as friend and lover. He's patient and kind and loving, but not a push over! He has a passion and love for people that is incredible (no surprise there I guess). He fears nothing. He's very wise, but doesn't lord it over people....he teaches them so that those that want to hear can understand. Even though he's kind, he's not afraid to speak against those that are doing wrong. He has a soft spot for children, widows, orphans, prostitutes and tax collectors. He prefers the company of the "unsophisticated" fishermen to that of the rich and powerful leaders. He lives simply, no pomp and circumstance. He LOVES his father.

There's a lot more to learn! This is awesome, I want to know him more.


Love you all!

'Tis the season

I LOVE the Christmas season. The lights, the bells, cookies, carols, candles, church services, time with friends and family....mhmmmm, definitely one of my favorite parts of the year!

The best thing about being a Christian is understanding the true meaning of Christmas. Sure it's a pagan holiday....yes, I know, Jesus wasn't REALLY born on December 25th....but isn't it wonderful to have a time of year that makes it easy to spark conversations about Christ? With all the hustle and bustle of Christmas, most of us come into contact with a lot of people we only see once or twice a year....and all the traditions of Christmas point toward Christ, making it easier to share about him. People are a little more open to hearing about Christianity if it has to do with a baby in a manger....it's a great way to get your foot in the door so that you can share, not only about the manger, but about the cross and the empty grave!

We have another show tomorrow, and another on Thursday....and then one Friday, two Saturday and two Sunday....talk about busy! I'm glad though, it's good to have something to focus on.

Oh, if you want to, you can check out our trainee pictures here


Sometimes it's easy to lose sight of how amazing this ministry is. It is such a privilege to be a part of Ballet Magnificat! How many people get to be a part of a full time ministry at my age? I am so blessed. This is a wonderful experience...something that I will treasure all my life. The Lord is letting me live out my childhood dream. Sooner or later, I'll move onto other dreams, as this one fades into a memory, but I never want to forget how blessed I am. I prayed for this everyday since I was eleven...and prayed to be a ballerina for years before that. I begged God to allow me the privilege of being a trainee with Ballet Magnificat. At this time last year I was sending in my audition video...and praying diligently that God would let me come here. Some say that God doesn't answer pray....or that he always asks you to do something you don't want to do...not true. God gave me the desire of my heart, but not for the reasons I thought. I thought I wanted to be a prima ballerina, to dance for huge audiences, to have perfect technique, to be on T.V., to travel the world. It turns out that God's idea of a ballerina is quite different. He brought me here not to be a star, but to be a servant....to learn what it means to live for Christ EVERY day, despite hours of dancing, working, exhaustion and fatigue. Instead of signing my name on programs for adoring fans, I'm signing His name on hearts as I reach out to the "least of these" with Christ's love. It's not a life of glamor, tiaras and tutus...no, it's not what I thought it would be....it's better.


I wonder what God is preparing me for? What are all these hours of working, growing, praying, learning and stretching for? I don't think he's preparing me for the company (my heart has changed from that, and I think it's the Lord's gentle persuasion.) Where is he taking me? What will I be doing? I'm not stressed out about it at all, I'm completely peaceful. How could I be upset when, no matter what, I get to live out the rest of my days hand in hand with the man I love with all my heart? My Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.

"Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you." 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

Joy to the world!

Today was completely amazing.


We performed at a nursing home in downtown Jackson (not the nicest place ever). Thanks very much to those of you that were praying! I could feel the effects.

Nursing homes in general break my heart. I'm sure there are some very nice ones, with wonderful people (this is NOT to put down anyone who has a loved one in a nursing home). However, the one we were at today was very depressing. It was run down, filthy, smelly....not a nice place. We had the chance to perform "Unveiled Hope"....which is our ballet about the end times, and Jesus' return. We also performed our trainee Christmas program. The space was VERY small, and technically, the dancing wasn't that great (not to put the dancers down, they were beautiful, but you can only do so much when you have four dancers side by side in a twelve foot wide space.) Anyway, the performance wasn't that impressive, but the Lord certainly used it! The residents LOVED it!

After the performance I talked with a lovely lady named Evana. She was in her 90's...and was pretty shy. However, after a few minutes of awkward pauses, she began to open up. I found out that she her entire family had passed away....except one son. She still wore her wedding ring, because in her heart she was still married (I know, sniff, sniff). She was SO precious. She really appreciated us coming and dancing, because it gave her a chance to take her mind off of her dismal daily routine. I really loved talking with her.

Okay, so here's my thought....I should go visit her! It's a lot easier said then done, but I figure, if I tell you all, then I'll feel more compelled to do it (sad I know, but accountability works really well for me.) Anyway, I'm going to try and visit her at least once before I go home for Christmas. Do I have the time? Not really. But that doesn't matter.....spending time with people is the MOST important thing I could possibly do. The laundry and the cooking will get done eventually!

Complex

I think I have a complex.

I have the "I'm not worthy of Jesus" complex.

We've been over this before. Why can't I just believe his grace? I want SO badly to be the perfect christian....to spend tons of time in the word and prayer, to be encouraging to others, to share Christ with everyone I meet. When I don't reach those goals (on a daily basis) I get SO frustrated! I think I'm focusing too much on works, and not enough on grace.

I had a conversation with God that was really eye opening. You see, I have a hard time praying for things that I need, or people that I really care about, if I haven't spent time praising the Lord first. I don't want to treat God like a vending machine, or a genie....which is good, but I think I take it a little too far. I'll get frustrated with myself while I pray, and then I just give up.....which is dumb.

Today I was getting frustrated, and this was the conversation:

Me: "Lord, I don't understand why I can't love you and serve you like I want to....I want to be your best friend, but how can I when I'm constantly ignoring you in favor of other things?"

God: "You're right Julie, you're not my best friend....you're my daughter."


Silence.


What an amazing picture that is. My relationship with God isn't like my earthly friendships (which have ups and downs...you lose touch....they come and go). He's like my dad. No matter what, he loves me. If I ignore him, if I disobey him, if I fail him....he still loves me. I can't do ANYTHING to separate myself from that love. I could be a total idiot, and he would still lay down his life for me. That is incredible.

How can I deserve that kind of love? I can't. It's grace, and grace alone. That grace never ceases to amaze me. So, in return, I will continue to try my hardest to serve him, to love him, to follow him, not because I'm a good person, but because of the grace he has shown to me.

There and back again....!

Hey everyone!

I'm back in MS....! I miss home already, but I am looking forward to the next few weeks of dancing before I head home again for Christmas.

In short, my time at home was amazing. Time with my wonderful family was way over due. I was also thrilled to enjoy time with Jeremy and his amazing family. All in all, it was the "most shortest, but most treasured" five days I can remember. I wish I had more time to spend with all those at home. However, I am doing really well, right here, in the center of God's will. Praise him.


Right now I'm doing wonderfully. I'm looking forward to dance and work tomorrow, and also looking forward to seeing my, "Mississippi family"....the roommates should be back soon! I am going to really work at not pining away for home. What will that do anyway? The only thing I really NEED is Jesus, and he is right here with me. I am so, so glad that the one I love the most is constantly with me! I don't know what I would do if he wasn't. God is so good to me! I was so privileged to have the time and funds to go home. I cannot stop thanking him for his goodness to me.

I'd really appreciate prayer as I head into our busiest season of the year here at B. Mag. I don't want to get so caught up in the "clutter of Christmas" that I lose sight of the opportunities right before me. I want to witness at work, I want to work on loving Jesus more, I want to continue to deepen my relationships with those back home, I want to be a better example to my friends at dance, I want to be a caring, encouraging roommate.....I want to know Jesus more intimately then I ever have before. These goals are what I want to focus on.....I don't want to get too caught up in self pity, stress, sadness, discouragement, or whatever else may come my way. I know that my armor is the word of God, my counselor is the Holy Spirit, my protection is your prayers, and my strength is Jesus Christ.

Praise the Lord for his goodness!

Michigan!

I am SO excited to be going home to Michigan! I'm heading out tomorrow evening on the train with my good friend Amy. We're going as far as Chicago together (from which she's heading on to Iowa) and I get to meet up with Jeremy and Kelley! From Chicago we're heading back to Michigan.....and home.

I haven't been home in nearly four months....I miss it! I can't wait!


Just to let you guys know, today was awesome. I always tell you when I'm frustrated, so I thought I'd share some excitement with you! It was one of those days I just want to treasure. I got to spend the whole day with Jesus. Yes, I still worked, I still went to ballet, I still cooked and cleaned....no, I didn't spend the whole day in a beautiful field reading the Bible (though that does sound appealing). I just lived normal life.....with Jesus. He was my first thought, and continued to be my focus all day long. It was awesome. I don't get any credit, because it wasn't by my own power. I am so thankful that the Lord helped me to focus on him. Life is so much better, so much easier this way. I have these days ever so often....and I hope that as I mature in the Lord, that these days become more frequent.

Thank you Jesus! I love you!


-Julie

Under Grace

"Amazing grace, how sweet the sound, that saved a wretch like me. I once was lost, but now I'm found, was blind but now I see."

I was really convicted of that today.

Jesus' grace IS sufficient for me. Nothing else in all the world can cover my sins. No matter how much time I spend doing the right thing, I can never cause God to love me more then he does right at this moment. That doesn't mean that I'll stop doing the right thing, but I'll do it because I love Jesus, not because I'll "earn" anything.

I get SO frustrated with myself when I don't live the way I should. Lately the gravity of my sin has been weighing on me. It's hard to explain to people, because by your normal-everyday-american-christian standards, I'm doing well. That's not enough! I want to be more like Jesus, and it kills me when I fail him. I guess that's good, but at the same time, I can't get so bogged down in guilt over my sin that I forget about grace. When I fail, when I do what I don't want to...when I live in fear and doubt....when I miss an opportunity to share Christ....when I speak negatively to or about someone....I need to repent and move on. It's good to be aware of how repulsive my sin is, but I can't let that frustrate me so much. I have to let the blood of Jesus wash away my frustrations.

That's a hard concept for me to grasp. Why would a perfect, amazing, holy God want me? I don't get it.I guess it's not for me to understand, but just to accept. I'll never be good enough for him, and he doesn't care. Isn't grace amazing? What a wonderful God we have! We deserve condemnation, and what do we get? Heaven. Praise his name.

It's time to stop trying to make up for my sin with good works, and just rest in Jesus' grace.

"What can wash away my sins? Nothing but the blood of Jesus."

Worship

Hey y'all! Again, it's been a while....sorry, I'm sure you guys have been busy too! It's just that time of year, yah know? Not that I mind, I love this season......the holidays, the leaves falling, apple cider, pumpkin pie, hot chocolate, bonfires, laying by the pool (oh wait, that's just me! It's about 75 here today)......wonderful.


Worship seems to have been the theme of my week. On Wednesday, Pastor Josh (my worhsip pastor at Christ Life Church of the Highlands), spoke on worship. It was awesome, exactly what I needed to hear. You see, I was tired on Wednesday and almost didn't go to church...but felt that I should at the last moment. Anyway, Josh's main point was that worship is a sacrifice. He pointed out that the ultimate sacrifice, the ultimate act of worship, was Jesus, dieing on the cross. In response to that, we need to worship in a way that costs us something. For me, singing a song, raising my hands, "feeling" worshipful, is not a sacrifice. I love it! Not to say that you should be miserable in worship, but if you only worship in ways that are enjoyable to you, is it really giving something to the Lord? Not to say that singing is bad, but you have to make it more then a song. For me, I have to engage my mind. I have to meditate on Jesus, I have to challenge myself to reach for more then just a feeling, or a nice melody, I have to press deeper. That's a sacrifice. It takes effort for me to really seek the Lord in worship, rather then just enjoy his presence. I guess there can be a time to just sit in wonder, but more often you have to press through the frustrations of the day in order to reach for more of Jesus.

It's a struggle to stay engaged in worship.....sometimes I'd rather just enjoy the music, or check out all together. But if worship doesn't require effort, is it really worship?

Another thing I learned about worship....it doesn't matter what language you speak, if you're worshiping Jesus, you know it. I went to a Chinese Bible study with my friend Abby yesterday....wow! It was so amazing to worship with other believers from such a different culture! These people were all Chinese college students that go to Mississippi State University. They spoke english, but most of them didn't speak it well, so we couldn't communicate much. However, when we were singing (which was all in Chinese), there was no doubt that we were worshiping the same God. I didn't have to know what they were saying, because I knew the same spirit was in them that was in me....incredible.


How amazing is our Lord? He understands everyone of his children, reguardless of language, and he has put them same Holy Spirit in each of us, to teach us and to guide us. How can we worship anyone else? He is the ONLY one that deserves my praise and devotion. Hallelujah!

-Julie

Long distance

Ever had one of those days where God seems like he's really far away? Not that he doesn't love you, or that he isn't involved, just that he's not as close as usual. Maybe I'm just crazy, I don't know, but today is one of those days. Some days it's easy to focus my thoughts on Jesus, other days it's a struggle....and then there are those days where I am constantly seeking his face, and he seems not to be found. I don't know if there's a deep emotional or psychological reason for that, but "sometimes He's further then the moon, sometimes closer then my skin." (Thank you David Crowder).

I really wish that Jesus would speak to me audibly. I want to know him more, I want to touch him, see him, hear him....I don't like being separated. I hate that my sin keeps me from being with him. I want him to come back and take me home. I long for that day with my savior. "Better is one day in his courts then thousands elsewhere," amen?

I am SO looking forward to going home for Thanksgiving next week, but I would give it up if it meant spending one day with Jesus.

My heart absolutely aches for him. My soul is full of longing for my savior. It breaks my heart to think that I won't truly be with him for a while still. Then again, I need to focus more on the time I have with him now.

Seems to be the theme of my life, huh? I always think the future will be a lot better then the present (which it is in the case of heaven, but not so much with everything else). I always look ahead, I love to dwell on what will be....but as I do that, the present passes me by. I have to learn to be still....to be quiet...to wait upon the Lord.

Peace be with you all, I love you.

-Julie

More pictures!

Okay, here you go! You guys asked for pictures with me in them....so here they are. I don't like putting up pictures of myself (it fells really silly and conceited) but I guess it'd be nice for those that are back home.

Me, Marleigh and Rebecca at dinner after church:



Me and Marleigh...we have the same hair:



Striking a pose for the camera at our last performance:



I love Marliegh....but I HATE the HIDEOUS ballerina hair that they make us wear! I guess it could be worse....but I don't really see how!

Hope

Sorry I've been MIA for the last few days.....it's been busy!

Just in cause you wanted to know, it's about 75 degrees here...!! That is by far my favorite thing about Mississippi.


I've been thinking about hope a lot recently. Where does my hope rest? In ballet? In my career? In my relationships? In my family? In my accomplishments? Or in Jesus?

It's so easy to set my hope on the things that are important in this world. It's so easy to think that if I just have that ONE thing, I'll be happy. Take Thanksgiving break for instance...it's been on my mind a lot lately. Some days I just feel like I'm surviving until I get to go home. That's not how I need to live. The Lord really convicted me of that the other day. I was feeling sorry for myself, wishing that time would move faster so that I could finally go home. "Julie, where is your hope? Where is your satisfaction? In me? Or in those around you?" Ouch. I think it hurt Jesus to know that I was more focused on just getting home, then I was on spending each moment with him.

I don't know when my life will end, could be in a few minutes, days, years....decades. No matter what, I should live each moment being satisfied in Jesus, not waiting for my circumstances to make me happy. I must learn to put all my hope in Jesus, and in the day he returns, not on people or events here on the earth.

So, I miss you all, but I am going to live these moments with Jesus, and I am going to learn to be more then satisfied in him.

Love,

Julie

Thankful

I have to let you know, this is one of the most amazing places on earth.

Where else would I be completely surrounded by godly people who are honestly seeking the Lord with their whole hearts; yet still have the opportunity to minister? It is such an amazing thing. I have SO much support from the people here, yet just enough lonliness to keep me depending on the Lord. I have everything I need, so that I am never in want, but I have little of what I want, and that reminds me of how little I actually need. Jesus seems close enough to touch sometimes, but far enough for me to see how big he really is. I am stretched, yet built up, discouraged and at the same time renewed.

I was thinking over my life today, just seeing the different stages I've been through. I thought I'd share it with you all.

1-5 years- Beginning

6-10 years- Discovering

11-13 years- Rebelling

14-15- Changing

16- Wondering

17- Waiting

Yes, this is what we at Ballet Mag call "the waiting years". You've either been there, are there, or will be there, so you can all relate to what I'm saying. I'm waiting to see what I'm supposed to do with my talents, I'm waiting to see what God wants me to do with my life, I'm waiting to see all the pieces of the puzzle come together. Waiting....patience....more waiting.....more patience. That's not to say that I'm not doing things now. I am. I am actively growing in the Lord, I am actively sharing him with the nonbelievers in my life, but in a lot of ways this is a waiting phase. (All praise to Jesus for that! It's not of my own power, just to make it clear.) Yes, it's active waiting, but still waiting. It's hard sometimes to see the usefulness of this stage. I'd love to just know what to do so that I could do it! At the same time, how could I live a life of faith if I knew every step???

The best thing about waiting is that I need Jesus so much. I think the "waiting" stages of life are some of God's favorite times with us. If I was sure about the future, I wouldn't need to spend hours in prayer, I wouldn't crave Jesus as much, I would become complacent. This waiting keeps me on my toes, constantly seeking God, constantly looking for him in everything, constantly running after him. It's hard at times, but I wouldn't trade this for anything. God is molding me into the woman he created me to be, and this waiting is the tool.

Even more wonderful is the fact that Jesus is with me. Sometimes it feels like God is saying, "Okay, you wait here, I'm going to go do some things and I'll be back." That's not at all the case. He is here, active and present in this waiting. He's sitting here with me, teaching me, loving me, molding me, as we wait together for what is next.

Isn't God brilliant? Aren't his ways perfect? Who knew that all this uncertainty about life could bring about such a change in me? And what a great place to do the waiting! I'm learning practical skills, ministry skills, building wonderful friendships all while I wait for God to call me to the next thing. He called me here to Ballet Magnificat, and he'll call me to the next thing when it's time. Until then, here I am, actively waiting, seeking, growing, not in my own strength but by the power of Jesus Christ!

Answered prayer!

Hey all! Guess what? I'm going to be working less!

For those that don't know, I've been working like crazy since I got here (30-35 hours a week, plus 35-40 hours of dance = exhausted.)

I was really convicted about all the work I've been doing....because it's causing me to neglect my time with the Lord, and with others. So anyway, it took me a while to have the courage to finally say NO. I'm cutting about ten hours off my week (SO excited!), so I'll be much more relaxed. Sure, I'll have less income, but I'd rather have time to spend with hurting friends, ministering at church, going to Bible study ect. then have all the things that money can buy. Jesus will supply every need. I am completely confident of that. I'm not just going to decide this without being practical (don't worry parents), I've adjusted my budget (did I ever mention that I LOVE budgeting? Honestly, I think it's fun!)

Anyway, I'm really, really excited! I'm praising Jesus for his goodness, and trusting him to provide. I can't wait to share with you about how he has been faithful.

Love you all!
I'm off to my last night of work! I'll only work mornings from now on!

-Julie

Worthy is the Lamb

"Holy, holy, holy is the Lord God almighty, who was, and is, and is to come."


That's all I can say. What else is there? Who am I to complain and to be frustrated with life? The precious, holy, awesome Lamb of God, who was slain for my sins, is with me. He is right here, answering my every cry, wiping away my every tear, comforting my ever doubt.

Praise him!

He deserves our worship. Such great love! It deserves my complete devotion. I pray that this awe of Jesus never fades from my heart and mind. What a good God we serve! PRAISE HIM!

I will adore you Lord Jesus, you are awesome. You are worthy!

I cannot wait for the day that Jesus comes to take us home! I pray that day will be soon. Sometimes I wish that he would take me in my sleep....so I could wake up in his arms. There is NOTHING that I desire more then my savior. I used to want him to wait to come back....I would ask him to wait until I had been to Ballet Magnificat....or until I got married....or until I had kids....but those things are at the back of my mind now. All I want is Jesus. That's not my own desire, it's this desire that the Lord has put in me.

All I can do is fall on my face before Jesus and cry "holy."

Picture time!

I realized that I was long overdue for putting up some fun pictures from the studio...enjoy!

These ones are of our ballet class....







We took these during our photo shoot a couple weeks ago:







These are of our performances....one at the school, one at a church:






Fun times! Don't you love the bright colored costumes? People from up north may not appreciate them, but the locals LOVE them....and they LOVE it when we do gospel music in our repertoire ballets. It's cool to be able to reach out to them in a way that they understand. Traniee 2's are doing "God gets the Glory" sung by the Mississippi Mass Choir....oh man, audiences eat them up! They love that stuff. It's funny how you have to use different tools to reach different people. But hey, that's the cool thing about Jesus, he's not confined by culture or trends...the gospel can be told in many different ways as long as the truth of Jesus Christ is the heart of the message.

"My faithful father,
Enduring friend,
Your tender mercies like a river,
With no end.

It overwhelms me,
Covers my sin,
Each time I come into your presence,
I stand in wonder once again.

Your grace still amazes me,
Your love is still a mystery,
Each day, I fall on my knees,
'Cause your grace, still amazes me,
Your grace still amazes me."

Jesus I mean that. I am in complete awe of your grace. Thank you for what your doing in my life. It's hard to be molded....I don't always like the ways you choose to change me....I don't always want to let go of the things you ask me to....but Jesus, I know that you are making me more like you, and so I thank you.


Love,

Julie

Sorry!

It's been a while!

This week has been VERY hectic!

We had a show yesterday that went really, really well! We danced in a very poor school district, for about 250 kids. They LOVED the performance. Praise Jesus. They were very quiet and respectful (which the teachers said was amazing...probably the first time ever.) Somehow, in their world of hurt and lonliness, something as silly as ballet made a difference. They were able to step outside of themselves for an hour, and focus on the Lord. The dancing was so blessed. We had beautiful unity, and strength, which only comes from the Lord. Personally, I was very uplifted and blessed. Just to know that my simple offering was being used to touch the hearts of hurting kids....wow. It was humbling. I can't really even describe it. Praise the Lord....I'm not just saying that, REALLY, praise him! I don't understand him, but I know that he is awesome.

This week has been a really good chance to rely on God. I made a stupid choice. I chose to work WAY more then I needed to, just because my boss asked me to. Dumb, I know. However, the Lord has a way of turning that sort of thing into a teaching tool. I've had to rely on Jesus for every step, every breathe, every word....because in my own strength I should have already fallen over from exhaustion. Take it for what it is. It may sound crazy, or "hyperspiritual" but that's how it's been. Not only that, but I've had a good attitude (which is unusual, because as most of you know, I can be a bit grumpy when I'm low on sleep ;-) I'm amazed at how God continues to meet every need: spiritual, emotional and physical.

Here's something to chew on. I'll write more on this later, but I just want to get you all thinking on it. I've read this passage over and over and over today (during lunch, during devotions, during rehearsal).

"Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love. This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him. This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins. Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us.

We know that we live in him and he in us, because he has given us of his Spirit. And we have seen and testify that the Father has sent his Son to be the Savior of the world. If anyone acknowledges that Jesus is the Son of God, God lives in him and he in God. And so we know and rely on the love God has for us.

God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in him. In this way, love is made complete among us so that we will have confidence on the day of judgment, because in this world we are like him. There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love. " 1 John 4:7-18


I love you all. Talk to you soon.

-Julie

Pictures

Hey y'all!

I don't have much time to write today, but if you want to see some hilarious pictures from Jeremy's stay in Mississippi click here. It's worth taking a look....especially if you need a laugh....

One prayer request:

We have a performance on Thursday at a middle school near the studio. We're dancing as a part of their drug prevention week. It'd be great if you could say a prayer for the kids we'll be ministering to. My hope is that we'll be able to give them a hunger for Jesus. It'd be great if some of the kids accepted the Lord, but even if not, I'm praying that we will plant seeds in their minds about Christ. We got permission from the school to pray with the students after the performance....which is a big deal, because not all schools will allow that! I know God opened that door for us, and we'll do everything we can to share Jesus with these precious children.

In Christ Alone

"In Christ alone my hope is found;
He is my light, my strength, my song;
This cornerstone, this solid ground,
Firm through the fiercest drought and storm.
What heights of love, what depths of peace,
When fears are stilled, when strivings cease!
My comforter, my all in all—
Here in the love of Christ I stand."


What a WONDERFUL five days. We had an amazing time. So many stories to tell you all! My favorite one was yesterday:

Jeremy and I decided to just go walk around downtown Jackson for a while. We went to the capitol, saw some cool buildings, took some good pictures, and had a nice walk around town. While we were walking, a homeless man came up to us and asked for money. We told him we couldn't give him money, but would buy him a meal. He hesitated at first, saying that he was too dirty and wouldn't want to be seen in a restaurant. He finally agreed, and we looked for a restaurant (unfortunately, there wasn't much in that part of Jackson) so we took him to a farmer's market that we had gone to on the way in. On the way there we talked to him a lot about where he came from, what he had gone through in life, and about his faith. He was a Christian, but had gotten very sidetracked (he sounded like he had been saved and then quit living out his faith for a long time, before finally coming around.) Anyway, he was now HIV positive, homeless, jobless, and in desperate need of help. We prayed with him, showed him some scripture (his only possession was a Bible) and provided him with food. He was very thankful. He told us that he had been really down for the last few days, struggling with doubt and fear. Then Jesus sent us. We were able to care for his needs, and show him the love of Christ. It was incredible.....one of the most amazing experiences I've ever had. God so perfectly orchestrated our paths to meet at that exact time and place, just when that poor man needed help....it really amazed me. What an awesome God! I pray God will continue to bring more needy people to you, me, Jeremy, and our new friend, as we all seek to follow Christ. That is what I want my life to about. Sharing the love of Jesus. It doesn't matter when or where, all that matters is the message of hope found in Christ Jesus. Amen?

Good news!

I love having visitors here!

Last week my grandparents were here from New Mexico. We had a wonderful evening, went out to dinner and took a tour of some of the places I frequent in Jackson. We were able to do lots of talking, laughing and catching up. It was FABULOUS! I miss them already.

God is too good. Not only did I get to see my grandparents last week, but tomorrow I get to see another of my favorite people.....Jeremy! He's coming down tomorrow afternoon and staying until Sunday. I am SO excited! I probably won't write for the next few days. I hope you all have a wonderful rest of the week....I'll talk to you Monday!

Love,

Julie

The goal

Pain, suffering, trials, hardships, battles....those are not words that I like. I'd love for life to be all "sunshine and roses" but it's not, and it isn't ever going to be. Of course, as I go through trials, God is ALWAYS faithful to remind me of my ultimate goal....becoming a better servant of Christ. His Word is a constant reminder to press on toward that goal, and take joy in the process of being refined by the Holy Spirit.


I read something in 2 Timothy that talks about this same thing: "Endure hardship with us like a good soldier of Christ Jesus. No one serving as a soldier gets involved in civilian affairs—he wants to please his commanding officer. Similarly, if anyone competes as an athlete, he does not receive the victor's crown unless he competes according to the rules. The hardworking farmer should be the first to receive a share of the crops. Reflect on what I am saying, for the Lord will give you insight into all this."

Okay, so at first, I didn't really understand that passage, but as I've been thinking on it, I've got a few ideas.

Not only does Paul mention the goal of each of these three people, but he's looking at the process of getting to the goal.

The soldiers goal? Pleasing his commanding officer. How does he get there? By not becoming sidetracked with "civilian affairs".

The athletes goal? Receiving the victor's crown. How does he get there? By competing by the rules.

The farmer's goal? Receiving a share of the crops. How does he get there? Hard work.

Back up to the begining of the passage....what is our goal? Becoming good soldier of Christ. How do we get there? Hardships.

Trials, suffering and pain are part of the process, leading to the goal of becoming a better servant of Christ. So, as it says in James 1: 2-3 "Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance."

So there you go. Trials aren't SO bad....they're just the means to a better end....being a stronger follower of Christ! Amen? That is something to be joyful about.

The Lord is good.

What else can I say? The Lord is good. He is my light and my salvation, whom shall I fear? Who is like the Lord? He is King of kings, Lord of lords, he is faithful to all who call on him. There is no one like our God. No one who can match his power and might. He made the heavens and the earth and everything in between, and yet he knows my name, and he loves me. How is it that he sees my great sin, and yet loves me? Does he not know how worthless I am? Why does he choose to be with me, to bless me, despite my imperfection. I do not understand your ways Lord....but I thank you for them. You are good! You are holy, awesome and righteous. All the earth declares your glory, and history speaks of your power and might. All that is, all that was and all that will be are yours, for you created them. How is it that you are father, friend, brother, king, lover and Lord? It is too much for me to comprehend. All I understand is that you are the precious Lamb, my savior. There is no one who compares with you my Lord. You are higher then the angels, and yet you have choosen me to do your will. You are pure and holy, yet you live inside my heart. Wouldn't it be easier to use the heavenly hosts to do your will? They never sin or falter, they would carry your plan out perfectly! Yet you choose me, an imperfect human. Praise you. Thank you. I love you.

What are you focusing on?

I can just picture it....the storm is raging....the disciples are nervous...and all the sudden, they see someone walking toward them on the water. It looks like a ghost....but as it comes closer, they can tell who it is: JESUS.

Peter sees where Jesus is going, and he wants a part of it, so he jumps into the water. With his eyes fixed on Jesus, he begins to walk....but soon the winds and the waves drown out the savior's voice....Peter's vision gets blurry with water, salt and tears....he begins to falter. Suddenly, the water swirls around him. Fearing for his life, Peter begins to panic. "But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, 'Lord, save me!' Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. 'You of little faith,' he said, 'why did you doubt?'"

That's me.

As I continue this wondrous journey, I am beginning to see the storms....and my focus has been taken of off Jesus. The moment I focus on my tiredness, or my emotions, or my wants....or anything else...is the moment I begin to sink. I MUST focus on Jesus, or I will go down. Thankfully, Jesus is there when I cry out. He immediately pulls me up...and reminds me that I have no reason to doubt.

So, what are you focusing on??

Choir and Selfishness

Guess what?? I'm singing in my church's choir tomorrow....!

I'm excited/nervous. I don't mind singing at my church...because I know everyone....and I didn't mind singing at SAFM or Bible quizzing, because it was just a bunch of teenagers having fun and worshiping....but THIS makes me nervous. Our services are broadcast on T.V. and on Itunes (not sure about the music....so I may be off the hook at least for that). Anyway, I'm a little nervous...but excited to be getting involved. I do NOT like just "doing church" which is what I have been doing for about a month and a half now. I want to be involved, I don't want to be a leech. So anyway, I'm really excited/blessed to have this opportunity...and I'm sure that as long as I focus on Jesus (instead of on myself) I'll be less nervous.

I was thinking the other day....being homesick is pretty selfish. I mean, it's okay to miss people, but when it consumes your thoughts, it's just plan old self-centered. Think about it...."I wish I was home....I want to see my friends and family....I don't know why I have to be here...."

I just want to yell, SNAP OUT OF IT!! It's so easy to get bogged down in selfishness. It's so easy to focus on myself....but what does that do?? It leads to more selfishness. I need to think of how to bless others, and make that my focus, instead of thinking about what I don't have.

Praise Jesus! He is so awesome. He is SO worthy to be praised. He deserves my every thought....he deserves my undivided attention and devotion. I WILL praise the Lord. I WILL worship Him. I don't care how I feel. He IS worthy, and I WILL honor him.

How to say "I love you"

Revelation!

I finally figured out why I love dance so much......

I know, I know, I should have realized it before, but I could never articulate it. Well here it is:

It's how I say "I love you."

For me, words just don't cut it. I can tell Jesus that I love him a thousand times, but somehow the action of pouring out everything I have, mentally, physically and spiritually, says more then words ever could.

It's not the same for everyone. Some of you say "I love you" through music, singing, writing, art, giving.....there are a million different ways to express it...and most of us use more then one. But to me, the deepest, most profound way to say "I love you" is through giving my sweat, blood and tears, day in and day out, to turn myself into a living instrument, creating beauty through movement. It is my offering. It's not much, and it is SO flawed (just ask Mr. Yuri!) but it's a gift he's given me, and it's my job to give it back.

Joy!!

Hey there!

Today was SUCH a good day. Last week was hard....just one of those weeks where everything seemed to frustrate me....for no reason (at least now I see that, at the time it seemed like real frustration.) Anyway, this morning at work I started out with that same mind set. "Poor me....life is hard....why is God so far away....why the heck do I live in Mississippi....why is it still so long until I get to go home....blah, blah, blah." How stupid is that? I was enjoying being miserable. No good. So anyway, I half heartedly prayed, "Lord, please help me to have joy....because I can't take this anymore."

Why do I ask God for things, and then act surprised when they happen? You'd think I'd catch on by now....

Anyway, about five minutes later, I just started grinning. No reason, except that Jesus reached down and touched me. Then, tons of scriptures started coming to my mind:

"Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus." 1 Thess 5:16-18

"And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:7

"Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will." Romans 12:2

"Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer."Romans 12:12

"The Lord is my shepherd....."Psalm 23


I just started smiling, bigger and bigger, until I broke out into laughter...(the looks on my coworkers faces were priceless....I felt like a total idiot, but hey, if my pride has to take a hit for God to do some work, then I'm good with that.)

God is so good!! His joy is so incredible! Why do I ever think that I need ANYTHING else to make me happy? I have joy in him, because he loves me! He has called me to be his own. That is MORE then enough reason to celebrate.

Anyway, so God continued to work on me this morning at Ballet Mag devos (we have devotions every morning....it is awesome! 25 or so people, all loving the Lord, sharing in prayer and worship together....a little taste of heaven!) We went around in a circle, and just shared a little of what God is doing in all of us in our personal devotions. Mr. Yuri is doing a two year study of the book of Genesis, and so he's been studying Joseph for about six months now. For some reason, that story really stuck out to me today. Here we have Joseph, an innocent man, in jail, waking up everyday in a cell, and still praising God. He didn't have a "valley" time for a few weeks...he had it for two years! Yet, he still clung to God's promises. His life made NO sense. Why would he be locked up in jail, for a crime he didn't commit? Why would God let that happen? He had no reason to believe that he'd ever get out of prison, except the fact that he knew God had a plan.

Mr. Yuri made the point that even when we don't see God working, or when his plan is hard, or makes no sense, God is still God. God is still sovereign, and he is still with us. It may not "feel" like that, but so what? Emotions change like the wind. God does not. He's solid, steadfast, unchanging.


Now, I'm not in a prison by ANY means. I really enjoy it here, but for the last few days I've allowed myself to be overwhelmed with the darkness, instead of clinging to Jesus. The thing is, back when I was a baby christian...and even a child in my faith, God would always send me the "warm fuzzies" when I needed to feel close to him. Not so much anymore. He's asking me to stand in my faith, believe in his promises, and trust in his plan. I have to choose to believe that God's will is being accomplished, even when it makes no sense. Even when he "feels" far away...even when the path he's got me on is frustrating....even when I'm so tired I don't think I'll ever recover.....God is still God, and I am still his.

First Show!

Hey guys!

We had our first performance last night! It was a show at Belhaven College, and it involved many different dance companies from around Jackson. I know, I know, it doesn't seem like there'd be that many, but there was quite a group of people there.

The audience was good...the stage was SLIPPERY....technically, we did okay, not stellar. The unity was really good, but the overall technical aspect was not our best. It was a hard situation, because we didn't get to rehearse before hand, and our director changed a few things right before the show, which is always difficult. Anyway, despite that, it was an awesome experience. The girls on stage were SO worshipful, and as we each took our turn in the wings, it was really cool to see all the dancers just raising their hands and praying for the girls that were dancing. You'd have to see it, it's hard to describe....but we literally danced as one. We shared in concern for each others mistakes, and in the joy of their triumphs. It was awesome. I love dancing with those girls! Each one is so unique, but together we dance as one for Jesus.

Here are some pictures:

Me and Dani!!!



Our whole company!

If you've got a good thing....share it!

Hey y'all! Sorry I haven't written in a while...it's been a LONG week.

Our first performance is tomorrow! I'm so, so excited! The Lord has given me a lot of joy and peace about it...so that's good. I'm most excited about sharing Jesus with people! I love him so much....I feel like I might explode if I can't talk about him!

This morning at work, I was talking to my friend Liz. She's a sweetie, but has had a sad life. She was in alcohol rehab, and just recently got out, and now she works in the mornings with me. Anyway, today she goes, "Julie, you dance everyday right?"

"Yeah."

"And you work every morning, and all day Saturday, right?"

"Yup."

"And you're HAPPY???!??!"

"Yeah!"

"Why? What makes you so happy."

"Well Liz, to be honest with you, it's all the Lord. (Okay, this was cool, because it wasn't me speaking, it was the Spirit). He gives me strength for each day. Somedays, I go to bed thinking that I will never have the strength to make it through the next day, but somehow, every morning, I have the grace to get up and go about my day. It's all thanks to Jesus. He is my strength."

"Wow....cool....(silence)...Julie, you're my hero."

"Really? Thanks....but it's not me....Jesus is my hero."


PRAISE THE LORD! It was such a little thing...she's not saved, she didn't break down and repent....but the wheel was set in motion. I am praying that the Lord will give me more opportunities to share him.

You know, no matter where you live, opportunities like that are all around. The thing that I've discovered is that you have to open your eyes and LOOK! It helps to just ask the Lord to make you sensitive to those opportunites, every day. He is so awesome! It's not hard to share about him.....just let your love for him spill over....he takes care of the rest.

One last thing. Life is hard. Come Lord Jesus, come! I would be SO happy if he would come back and take us all....I want to see him soon!

-Julie

Harriet Tubman

I love Harriet Tubman. She is such an awesome lady. So strong....so courageous. One of my favorite quotes by her is the following...

"Jesus, I'm holding onto you, because you're the only one who can see me through." Amen?

It's funny....I realized the other day that my life means nothing without Christ....the world would not define my life as successful. I'm dancing full time with a Christian ballet company....I'm not in any dance magazines, I'm not in New York, I'm not making any money. I'm not going to college to learn how to become successful...I'm a little girl in Mississippi, working hard, dancing harder....all because God told me to. No plan or map of the future....one hand raised high toward heaven, the other one clinging tightly to my Bible. Here I am. Thank you Jesus! I wouldn't have it any other way.

So..."Jesus, I'm holding onto you, because you're the only one who can see me through."

-Julie

Free

My friend Laura Hawkins recently sent me a devotional book by Sarah Young titled "Jesus Calling"....it is absolutely phenomenal. The book is a collection of words that Jesus spoke to her heart. It is written like a journal, and Jesus is the writer. Of course, it's not scripture, but it's a really neat concept, and today's entry was beautiful....so I thought I'd share it with all of you.

"Walk with me in the freedom of forgiveness. The path we follow together is sometimes slippery and steep. If you carry a burden of guilt on your back, you are more likely to stumble and fall. At your request, I will remove the heavy load from you and bury it at the foot of the cross. When I unburden you, you are undeniably free! Stand up straight and tall in My Presence, so that no one can place more burdens on your back. Look into My Face and feel the warmth of My Love-Light shining upon you. It is the unconditional Love that frees you from both fears and sins. Spend time basking in the Light of My Presence. As you come to know Me more intimately, you grow increasingly free."

Mmmhhhmmm....thank you Lord Jesus. I am free in you.

-Julie

The INTENSE love of Jesus

Today at B. Mag we had creative worship...and we watched this skit. It moved me so much I sobbed. The love of Jesus is SO intense. Take the time to watch this, you won't be disappointed. I wish everyone in the world could see this, it's THAT powerful.

Lifehouse Skit

How amazing is that love? How can I possibly love anyone or anything as much as Jesus? He took my pain, and my sin upon himself. He loved me and you SO much, that he couldn't bare to see us under sin....so he threw himself into the midst of our struggle...even to death on a cross.

Hallelujah! He didn't stay dead, he rose again, another act of love, to conquer death so that we can live with him forever.

That's the kind of love I want to live for.

Blah.

In Jesus name we press on....

Well y'all, today is just "one of those days"....pretty blah. Nothing too exciting, or sad or anything....just boring really.

One of my friends (Amy) cut her hand open REAL bad at work today (she works with me at the bagel shop)....she had to have stitches, and she cut into some of the nerves (which means she needs to see a specialist to sew her nerves back together.) Ouch! Thanks for your prayers....I'm finally learning NOT to cut my hands....but I fully believe that it is your prayers and God's grace that caused me not to be in the same situation as Amy. If you don't mind, send up a prayer for her right now, it's not fun to have to go to the hospital when you're so far from home!

It's easy sometimes to just go through the motions of life, instead of really living. I caught myself doing that today....I wasn't thinking or feeling anything....I was just going through the motions of work, dance, devotions....like a robot. I'm not TOO worried...this happens to me on a consistent basis.....I think it's part of life (at least part of mine).

This morning at B. Mag devotions, Lydia read something in the Screwtape letters that was REALLY encouraging.

"But you now see that the Irresistible and the Indisputable are the two weapons which the very nature of His scheme forbids Him to use. Merely to over-ride a human will (as His felt presence in any but the faintest and most mitigated degree would certainly do) would be for Him useless. He cannot ravish. He can only woo. For His ignoble idea is to eat the cake and have it; the creatures are to be one with Him, but yet themselves; merely to cancel them, or assimilate them, will not serve. He is prepared to do a little overriding at the beginning. He will set them off with communications of His presence which, though faint, seem great to them, with emotional sweetness, and easy conquest over temptation. But He never allows this state of affairs to last long. Sooner or later He withdraws, if not in fact, at least from their conscious experience, all those supports and incentives. He leaves the creature to stand up on its own legs—to carry out from the will alone duties which have lost all relish. It is during such trough periods, much more than during the peak periods, that it is growing into the sort of creature He wants it to be. Hence the prayers offered in the state of dryness are those which please Him best. We can drag our patients along by continual tempting, because we design them only for the table, and the more their will is interfered with the better. He cannot "tempt" to virtue as we do to vice. He wants them to learn to walk and must therefore take away His hand; and if only the will to walk is really there He is pleased even with their stumbles. Do not be deceived, Wormwood. Our cause is never more in danger, than when a human, no longer desiring, but intending, to do our Enemy's will, looks round upon a universe from which every trace of Him seems to have vanished, and asks why he has been forsaken, and still obeys."

Amen?? Here I am, having a blah sort of day. God doesn't seem very close....but yet I know he is. I have a choice, I can be frustrated that he seems far away...and ignore him...or I can still obey.

Our father in heaven....my father on earth.

How is it that God loves us SO much?

I am constantly amazed by that fact. He loves ME. The God that created the universe loves ME! He calls me his....he speaks to me....he showers me with blessings...he carries me though storms....how can this be??

I love the Lord. My feeble attempts at loving him are nothing compared to his great love...but I know that he loves to receive my love. How do I know that? Because that's how my earthly father is. He loves me SO, SO much more then I deserve. I try to do what he asks....I try to love him with my words and my deeds....but it is nothing compared to the sacrificial love he has for me.

I just want to take this opportunity to brag about my wonderful dad. He is awesome. He is so strong, so loving, so wise, so kind.....he has been, and continues to be an AMAZING reflection of my heavenly father. He encourages me and loves me....when I don't deserve it at all. He is always looking out for my best interests, and he is ready to defend and protect me from anything that could harm me. He is awesome. I miss him A LOT. I haven't always understood his love....I've taken it for granted....I've belittled it....I hate to admit it, but sometimes I've even trampled on it. But it's still there. No matter what I do, or what I say, he still loves me....and he always will. What an awesome man.

When I was a little girl, my dad used to drive me to ballet class....we had to drive from Albion to Jackson, and we always had the BEST talks. I miss those. I'm now an "adult" and I drive myself to dance....but I miss the days when I was just safely in the back seat...talking with Dad.

It's cool how God has filled that void....now I talk with God to and from ballet...and it's that same safe, loved feeling that I got talking with Dad so many years ago.

What's even more amazing....is that as much as my dad loves me, and would go to the ends of the earth for me....God loves me EVEN MORE. How amazing is that? Wow. How can I not follow his plan for my life?? How can I not listen to his commands? He wants the VERY BEST for me. He's not playing games, he really, truly wants the best for me. I am in awe of that kind of love.

Thank you Lord for your amazing, sweet, awesome, powerful love....I'm trying my hardest to love you back. You know what's funny? I need your help to love you. I am too weak to even love you on my own....Please fill me with your love Lord, so that I can give it back to you, and to those around me.

Back in MS

Hey all! I'm back in MS. I had an absolutely WONDERFUL time in Chicago! I treasured every moment with Jeremy and Kelley....they are such amazing people. I got to see a lot of Chicago (though there's lots left....guess I'll have to visit again). I got to Chicago Saturday morning....toured Moody...watched Jeremy play football....walked around Chicago (Millennium Park, the Celtic Festival and the Chicago Tribune building were some highlights)....got to meet Kelley and Jeremy's roommates and friends....went out on the town with Jeremy Saturday night...Sunday morning devotions with Jeremy.....rode the "L" (I wish we had one of those here, it was SO much fun!)....went to church....rested and "watched" the Bears game....went to Greek town for dinner with Jeremy, Kelley and Kelley's brother floor....and then had a sad, but sweet goodbye at the train station. The whole trip was so, so good. It was such a gift....God gets the glory. I cannot stop thanking him for his goodness.


Here are some pictures:





"Hello" at the train station


Me, and two of the best, most amazing people ever




Some DELICIOUS Chicago deep dish pizza!



Pictures at "the bean":












I heart Kelley Reeves


Me...and this pretty cool guy I know....;-)

Off for the weekend!

Hey guys!

I won't be posting anything this weekend....I'm off to Chicago! I'm going to go visit Jeremy and Kelley. Words cannot describe my excitement and joy at seeing them again....it's been a while! Please pray for safe travel to and from, and that the Lord would bless our time together.

Love you all!
-Julie

Living the Word

So today in Discipleship class, Nissa Sanford talked on being a minister. I'm not talking about being a pastor, or a teacher, or any other kind of professional Christian. (Though that is an awesome calling, and one that I respect very much.) She was talking about being "ministers of the Word" and what that means. What she said was TOTALLY different from what I was thinking...but it opened my eyes.

In Acts 6:4 when it talks about the apostles devoting themselves to the "ministry of the Word and to prayer" the greek word for ministry is Diakonos-"to wait on or serve."

What does it mean to "serve or wait on" the Word?

Well, from my restaurant job I know that as a server, you ask what the customer wants and then you give it to them....no matter what. So, it stands to reason that if we are to be devoted to the "ministry of the Word" then we should always be ready to give the Word whatever it asks for, without question.

Okay, cool you say....but what exactly is "the Word" and why is it worthy of our service?

The Word is just that....the words of God himself. Through human hands, God wrote down everything we need to know about life, salvation and serving Him. 2 Timothy 3:16 says, "All Scripture is breathed out by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof for correction and for training in righteousness, that the man of God may be competent equipped for every good work."

Matthew 24:35, "Heaven and earth will pass away but my words will not pass away."

So the Words of God, written in scripture, are the direct result of God's divine inspiration, and they are eternal, just as God himself is eternal.

That is why the Word is worthy of our respect, honor and devotion....because it shows us the spirit, promises and intentions of God almighty. The Word is a product of the Lord, and thus reveals him to us in a way that nothing else can. Therefore, we must obey it FULLY.

Why should we be lovers of the Word?

1. As I said, it is a revelation from God, and should be respected as such.

2. It is to our benefit. Hebrews 4:12 tells us that "The Word of the Lord is sharper then any two-edged sword, it penetrates to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow, it judges the thoughts and the intentions of the heart." Reading the Word shows us how to live as Christians. It is also a tool for discernment. You know those times when you're not sure whether a thought is from the Lord, yourself or the enemy? That's what the Word is for. When we read the Word, we can see the difference between soul (ourselves) and Spirit (God). Not only does the Word benefit us mentally and emotionally....it is physical as well. Deuteronomy 8:3/Matthew 4:4 tell us that "Man does not live on bread alone, but on every word that comes from the mouth of the Lord." This, and other examples, go to show that the Word benefits us physically. That is why it is SO powerful to pray scripture back to the Lord in cases of physical ailment. Those words are life, and truth, and our bodies respond to that.

Okay, so now we know WHY the Word is so important....and what it does for us, now it's time to live it.

"Let us rise up to the Word of God, rather then dragging it down according to our own personal experience." Michael Pearl

That is an awesome quote. I know that there are times when I try to justify living outside of the Word because I "don't see things that way", or my "personality is different". NO. No, no no. That's wrong. The Word is God's outline for my life. I don't get to chose parts of it to live out...and I don't get to leave parts out. It is all or nothing.

So what do you think? Will you do it with me? Come on guys, let's LIVE THE WORD. Let's stop "trying" and just do it. Sure, we'll mess up....that's expected, but why set low expectations? Let's try to live out the Word in every area and see what happens. I have the feeling that God will be honored through our failed attempts. But if we sit back and say, "that's too much change....I'll work on one thing at a time....let me get this straightened out first." NO! Stop being deceived. Let's live this out, let's dive in head first! Go for it, you may be suprised how well it goes.

James 1:22-25 "But be doers of the Word and not merely hearers, deceiving yourselves. For if anyone is a hearer of the word and not a doer he is like a man who looks intently at his natural face in a mirror. For he looks at himself and goes away and at once forgets what he was like."

-Julie

P.S. One last thing....my homework for this week in Discipleship class is to share Jesus with a non believer. Honestly, that scares me to death. I'm excited, but SO nervous! It's hard because I only have one week....but hey, there are PLENTY of non Christians around me...I just have to be sensitive for the opportunity from the Lord to arise. I could use prayer on that. Oh, my hip is still pretty bad. I got some stretches/strengthening excercise from my teacher that should help, but today was painful. Please continue to lift that up in prayer. One thing my teacher said was, "if Satan can't get your mind or your heart, he's going to go after your body. That's just the way it is in ministry. When you decided to do this, you signed up to be in the front line of the battle....you're a target." How true! I covet your prayers.