Today was completely amazing.
We performed at a nursing home in downtown Jackson (not the nicest place ever). Thanks very much to those of you that were praying! I could feel the effects.
Nursing homes in general break my heart. I'm sure there are some very nice ones, with wonderful people (this is NOT to put down anyone who has a loved one in a nursing home). However, the one we were at today was very depressing. It was run down, filthy, smelly....not a nice place. We had the chance to perform "Unveiled Hope"....which is our ballet about the end times, and Jesus' return. We also performed our trainee Christmas program. The space was VERY small, and technically, the dancing wasn't that great (not to put the dancers down, they were beautiful, but you can only do so much when you have four dancers side by side in a twelve foot wide space.) Anyway, the performance wasn't that impressive, but the Lord certainly used it! The residents LOVED it!
After the performance I talked with a lovely lady named Evana. She was in her 90's...and was pretty shy. However, after a few minutes of awkward pauses, she began to open up. I found out that she her entire family had passed away....except one son. She still wore her wedding ring, because in her heart she was still married (I know, sniff, sniff). She was SO precious. She really appreciated us coming and dancing, because it gave her a chance to take her mind off of her dismal daily routine. I really loved talking with her.
Okay, so here's my thought....I should go visit her! It's a lot easier said then done, but I figure, if I tell you all, then I'll feel more compelled to do it (sad I know, but accountability works really well for me.) Anyway, I'm going to try and visit her at least once before I go home for Christmas. Do I have the time? Not really. But that doesn't matter.....spending time with people is the MOST important thing I could possibly do. The laundry and the cooking will get done eventually!
11/28/2007
11/27/2007
Complex
I think I have a complex.
I have the "I'm not worthy of Jesus" complex.
We've been over this before. Why can't I just believe his grace? I want SO badly to be the perfect christian....to spend tons of time in the word and prayer, to be encouraging to others, to share Christ with everyone I meet. When I don't reach those goals (on a daily basis) I get SO frustrated! I think I'm focusing too much on works, and not enough on grace.
I had a conversation with God that was really eye opening. You see, I have a hard time praying for things that I need, or people that I really care about, if I haven't spent time praising the Lord first. I don't want to treat God like a vending machine, or a genie....which is good, but I think I take it a little too far. I'll get frustrated with myself while I pray, and then I just give up.....which is dumb.
Today I was getting frustrated, and this was the conversation:
Me: "Lord, I don't understand why I can't love you and serve you like I want to....I want to be your best friend, but how can I when I'm constantly ignoring you in favor of other things?"
God: "You're right Julie, you're not my best friend....you're my daughter."
Silence.
What an amazing picture that is. My relationship with God isn't like my earthly friendships (which have ups and downs...you lose touch....they come and go). He's like my dad. No matter what, he loves me. If I ignore him, if I disobey him, if I fail him....he still loves me. I can't do ANYTHING to separate myself from that love. I could be a total idiot, and he would still lay down his life for me. That is incredible.
How can I deserve that kind of love? I can't. It's grace, and grace alone. That grace never ceases to amaze me. So, in return, I will continue to try my hardest to serve him, to love him, to follow him, not because I'm a good person, but because of the grace he has shown to me.
I have the "I'm not worthy of Jesus" complex.
We've been over this before. Why can't I just believe his grace? I want SO badly to be the perfect christian....to spend tons of time in the word and prayer, to be encouraging to others, to share Christ with everyone I meet. When I don't reach those goals (on a daily basis) I get SO frustrated! I think I'm focusing too much on works, and not enough on grace.
I had a conversation with God that was really eye opening. You see, I have a hard time praying for things that I need, or people that I really care about, if I haven't spent time praising the Lord first. I don't want to treat God like a vending machine, or a genie....which is good, but I think I take it a little too far. I'll get frustrated with myself while I pray, and then I just give up.....which is dumb.
Today I was getting frustrated, and this was the conversation:
Me: "Lord, I don't understand why I can't love you and serve you like I want to....I want to be your best friend, but how can I when I'm constantly ignoring you in favor of other things?"
God: "You're right Julie, you're not my best friend....you're my daughter."
Silence.
What an amazing picture that is. My relationship with God isn't like my earthly friendships (which have ups and downs...you lose touch....they come and go). He's like my dad. No matter what, he loves me. If I ignore him, if I disobey him, if I fail him....he still loves me. I can't do ANYTHING to separate myself from that love. I could be a total idiot, and he would still lay down his life for me. That is incredible.
How can I deserve that kind of love? I can't. It's grace, and grace alone. That grace never ceases to amaze me. So, in return, I will continue to try my hardest to serve him, to love him, to follow him, not because I'm a good person, but because of the grace he has shown to me.
11/25/2007
There and back again....!
Hey everyone!
I'm back in MS....! I miss home already, but I am looking forward to the next few weeks of dancing before I head home again for Christmas.
In short, my time at home was amazing. Time with my wonderful family was way over due. I was also thrilled to enjoy time with Jeremy and his amazing family. All in all, it was the "most shortest, but most treasured" five days I can remember. I wish I had more time to spend with all those at home. However, I am doing really well, right here, in the center of God's will. Praise him.
Right now I'm doing wonderfully. I'm looking forward to dance and work tomorrow, and also looking forward to seeing my, "Mississippi family"....the roommates should be back soon! I am going to really work at not pining away for home. What will that do anyway? The only thing I really NEED is Jesus, and he is right here with me. I am so, so glad that the one I love the most is constantly with me! I don't know what I would do if he wasn't. God is so good to me! I was so privileged to have the time and funds to go home. I cannot stop thanking him for his goodness to me.
I'd really appreciate prayer as I head into our busiest season of the year here at B. Mag. I don't want to get so caught up in the "clutter of Christmas" that I lose sight of the opportunities right before me. I want to witness at work, I want to work on loving Jesus more, I want to continue to deepen my relationships with those back home, I want to be a better example to my friends at dance, I want to be a caring, encouraging roommate.....I want to know Jesus more intimately then I ever have before. These goals are what I want to focus on.....I don't want to get too caught up in self pity, stress, sadness, discouragement, or whatever else may come my way. I know that my armor is the word of God, my counselor is the Holy Spirit, my protection is your prayers, and my strength is Jesus Christ.
Praise the Lord for his goodness!
I'm back in MS....! I miss home already, but I am looking forward to the next few weeks of dancing before I head home again for Christmas.
In short, my time at home was amazing. Time with my wonderful family was way over due. I was also thrilled to enjoy time with Jeremy and his amazing family. All in all, it was the "most shortest, but most treasured" five days I can remember. I wish I had more time to spend with all those at home. However, I am doing really well, right here, in the center of God's will. Praise him.
Right now I'm doing wonderfully. I'm looking forward to dance and work tomorrow, and also looking forward to seeing my, "Mississippi family"....the roommates should be back soon! I am going to really work at not pining away for home. What will that do anyway? The only thing I really NEED is Jesus, and he is right here with me. I am so, so glad that the one I love the most is constantly with me! I don't know what I would do if he wasn't. God is so good to me! I was so privileged to have the time and funds to go home. I cannot stop thanking him for his goodness to me.
I'd really appreciate prayer as I head into our busiest season of the year here at B. Mag. I don't want to get so caught up in the "clutter of Christmas" that I lose sight of the opportunities right before me. I want to witness at work, I want to work on loving Jesus more, I want to continue to deepen my relationships with those back home, I want to be a better example to my friends at dance, I want to be a caring, encouraging roommate.....I want to know Jesus more intimately then I ever have before. These goals are what I want to focus on.....I don't want to get too caught up in self pity, stress, sadness, discouragement, or whatever else may come my way. I know that my armor is the word of God, my counselor is the Holy Spirit, my protection is your prayers, and my strength is Jesus Christ.
Praise the Lord for his goodness!
11/19/2007
Michigan!
I am SO excited to be going home to Michigan! I'm heading out tomorrow evening on the train with my good friend Amy. We're going as far as Chicago together (from which she's heading on to Iowa) and I get to meet up with Jeremy and Kelley! From Chicago we're heading back to Michigan.....and home.
I haven't been home in nearly four months....I miss it! I can't wait!
Just to let you guys know, today was awesome. I always tell you when I'm frustrated, so I thought I'd share some excitement with you! It was one of those days I just want to treasure. I got to spend the whole day with Jesus. Yes, I still worked, I still went to ballet, I still cooked and cleaned....no, I didn't spend the whole day in a beautiful field reading the Bible (though that does sound appealing). I just lived normal life.....with Jesus. He was my first thought, and continued to be my focus all day long. It was awesome. I don't get any credit, because it wasn't by my own power. I am so thankful that the Lord helped me to focus on him. Life is so much better, so much easier this way. I have these days ever so often....and I hope that as I mature in the Lord, that these days become more frequent.
Thank you Jesus! I love you!
-Julie
I haven't been home in nearly four months....I miss it! I can't wait!
Just to let you guys know, today was awesome. I always tell you when I'm frustrated, so I thought I'd share some excitement with you! It was one of those days I just want to treasure. I got to spend the whole day with Jesus. Yes, I still worked, I still went to ballet, I still cooked and cleaned....no, I didn't spend the whole day in a beautiful field reading the Bible (though that does sound appealing). I just lived normal life.....with Jesus. He was my first thought, and continued to be my focus all day long. It was awesome. I don't get any credit, because it wasn't by my own power. I am so thankful that the Lord helped me to focus on him. Life is so much better, so much easier this way. I have these days ever so often....and I hope that as I mature in the Lord, that these days become more frequent.
Thank you Jesus! I love you!
-Julie
11/18/2007
Under Grace
"Amazing grace, how sweet the sound, that saved a wretch like me. I once was lost, but now I'm found, was blind but now I see."
I was really convicted of that today.
Jesus' grace IS sufficient for me. Nothing else in all the world can cover my sins. No matter how much time I spend doing the right thing, I can never cause God to love me more then he does right at this moment. That doesn't mean that I'll stop doing the right thing, but I'll do it because I love Jesus, not because I'll "earn" anything.
I get SO frustrated with myself when I don't live the way I should. Lately the gravity of my sin has been weighing on me. It's hard to explain to people, because by your normal-everyday-american-christian standards, I'm doing well. That's not enough! I want to be more like Jesus, and it kills me when I fail him. I guess that's good, but at the same time, I can't get so bogged down in guilt over my sin that I forget about grace. When I fail, when I do what I don't want to...when I live in fear and doubt....when I miss an opportunity to share Christ....when I speak negatively to or about someone....I need to repent and move on. It's good to be aware of how repulsive my sin is, but I can't let that frustrate me so much. I have to let the blood of Jesus wash away my frustrations.
That's a hard concept for me to grasp. Why would a perfect, amazing, holy God want me? I don't get it.I guess it's not for me to understand, but just to accept. I'll never be good enough for him, and he doesn't care. Isn't grace amazing? What a wonderful God we have! We deserve condemnation, and what do we get? Heaven. Praise his name.
It's time to stop trying to make up for my sin with good works, and just rest in Jesus' grace.
"What can wash away my sins? Nothing but the blood of Jesus."
I was really convicted of that today.
Jesus' grace IS sufficient for me. Nothing else in all the world can cover my sins. No matter how much time I spend doing the right thing, I can never cause God to love me more then he does right at this moment. That doesn't mean that I'll stop doing the right thing, but I'll do it because I love Jesus, not because I'll "earn" anything.
I get SO frustrated with myself when I don't live the way I should. Lately the gravity of my sin has been weighing on me. It's hard to explain to people, because by your normal-everyday-american-christian standards, I'm doing well. That's not enough! I want to be more like Jesus, and it kills me when I fail him. I guess that's good, but at the same time, I can't get so bogged down in guilt over my sin that I forget about grace. When I fail, when I do what I don't want to...when I live in fear and doubt....when I miss an opportunity to share Christ....when I speak negatively to or about someone....I need to repent and move on. It's good to be aware of how repulsive my sin is, but I can't let that frustrate me so much. I have to let the blood of Jesus wash away my frustrations.
That's a hard concept for me to grasp. Why would a perfect, amazing, holy God want me? I don't get it.I guess it's not for me to understand, but just to accept. I'll never be good enough for him, and he doesn't care. Isn't grace amazing? What a wonderful God we have! We deserve condemnation, and what do we get? Heaven. Praise his name.
It's time to stop trying to make up for my sin with good works, and just rest in Jesus' grace.
"What can wash away my sins? Nothing but the blood of Jesus."
11/17/2007
Worship
Hey y'all! Again, it's been a while....sorry, I'm sure you guys have been busy too! It's just that time of year, yah know? Not that I mind, I love this season......the holidays, the leaves falling, apple cider, pumpkin pie, hot chocolate, bonfires, laying by the pool (oh wait, that's just me! It's about 75 here today)......wonderful.
Worship seems to have been the theme of my week. On Wednesday, Pastor Josh (my worhsip pastor at Christ Life Church of the Highlands), spoke on worship. It was awesome, exactly what I needed to hear. You see, I was tired on Wednesday and almost didn't go to church...but felt that I should at the last moment. Anyway, Josh's main point was that worship is a sacrifice. He pointed out that the ultimate sacrifice, the ultimate act of worship, was Jesus, dieing on the cross. In response to that, we need to worship in a way that costs us something. For me, singing a song, raising my hands, "feeling" worshipful, is not a sacrifice. I love it! Not to say that you should be miserable in worship, but if you only worship in ways that are enjoyable to you, is it really giving something to the Lord? Not to say that singing is bad, but you have to make it more then a song. For me, I have to engage my mind. I have to meditate on Jesus, I have to challenge myself to reach for more then just a feeling, or a nice melody, I have to press deeper. That's a sacrifice. It takes effort for me to really seek the Lord in worship, rather then just enjoy his presence. I guess there can be a time to just sit in wonder, but more often you have to press through the frustrations of the day in order to reach for more of Jesus.
It's a struggle to stay engaged in worship.....sometimes I'd rather just enjoy the music, or check out all together. But if worship doesn't require effort, is it really worship?
Another thing I learned about worship....it doesn't matter what language you speak, if you're worshiping Jesus, you know it. I went to a Chinese Bible study with my friend Abby yesterday....wow! It was so amazing to worship with other believers from such a different culture! These people were all Chinese college students that go to Mississippi State University. They spoke english, but most of them didn't speak it well, so we couldn't communicate much. However, when we were singing (which was all in Chinese), there was no doubt that we were worshiping the same God. I didn't have to know what they were saying, because I knew the same spirit was in them that was in me....incredible.
How amazing is our Lord? He understands everyone of his children, reguardless of language, and he has put them same Holy Spirit in each of us, to teach us and to guide us. How can we worship anyone else? He is the ONLY one that deserves my praise and devotion. Hallelujah!
-Julie
Worship seems to have been the theme of my week. On Wednesday, Pastor Josh (my worhsip pastor at Christ Life Church of the Highlands), spoke on worship. It was awesome, exactly what I needed to hear. You see, I was tired on Wednesday and almost didn't go to church...but felt that I should at the last moment. Anyway, Josh's main point was that worship is a sacrifice. He pointed out that the ultimate sacrifice, the ultimate act of worship, was Jesus, dieing on the cross. In response to that, we need to worship in a way that costs us something. For me, singing a song, raising my hands, "feeling" worshipful, is not a sacrifice. I love it! Not to say that you should be miserable in worship, but if you only worship in ways that are enjoyable to you, is it really giving something to the Lord? Not to say that singing is bad, but you have to make it more then a song. For me, I have to engage my mind. I have to meditate on Jesus, I have to challenge myself to reach for more then just a feeling, or a nice melody, I have to press deeper. That's a sacrifice. It takes effort for me to really seek the Lord in worship, rather then just enjoy his presence. I guess there can be a time to just sit in wonder, but more often you have to press through the frustrations of the day in order to reach for more of Jesus.
It's a struggle to stay engaged in worship.....sometimes I'd rather just enjoy the music, or check out all together. But if worship doesn't require effort, is it really worship?
Another thing I learned about worship....it doesn't matter what language you speak, if you're worshiping Jesus, you know it. I went to a Chinese Bible study with my friend Abby yesterday....wow! It was so amazing to worship with other believers from such a different culture! These people were all Chinese college students that go to Mississippi State University. They spoke english, but most of them didn't speak it well, so we couldn't communicate much. However, when we were singing (which was all in Chinese), there was no doubt that we were worshiping the same God. I didn't have to know what they were saying, because I knew the same spirit was in them that was in me....incredible.
How amazing is our Lord? He understands everyone of his children, reguardless of language, and he has put them same Holy Spirit in each of us, to teach us and to guide us. How can we worship anyone else? He is the ONLY one that deserves my praise and devotion. Hallelujah!
-Julie
11/13/2007
Long distance
Ever had one of those days where God seems like he's really far away? Not that he doesn't love you, or that he isn't involved, just that he's not as close as usual. Maybe I'm just crazy, I don't know, but today is one of those days. Some days it's easy to focus my thoughts on Jesus, other days it's a struggle....and then there are those days where I am constantly seeking his face, and he seems not to be found. I don't know if there's a deep emotional or psychological reason for that, but "sometimes He's further then the moon, sometimes closer then my skin." (Thank you David Crowder).
I really wish that Jesus would speak to me audibly. I want to know him more, I want to touch him, see him, hear him....I don't like being separated. I hate that my sin keeps me from being with him. I want him to come back and take me home. I long for that day with my savior. "Better is one day in his courts then thousands elsewhere," amen?
I am SO looking forward to going home for Thanksgiving next week, but I would give it up if it meant spending one day with Jesus.
My heart absolutely aches for him. My soul is full of longing for my savior. It breaks my heart to think that I won't truly be with him for a while still. Then again, I need to focus more on the time I have with him now.
Seems to be the theme of my life, huh? I always think the future will be a lot better then the present (which it is in the case of heaven, but not so much with everything else). I always look ahead, I love to dwell on what will be....but as I do that, the present passes me by. I have to learn to be still....to be quiet...to wait upon the Lord.
Peace be with you all, I love you.
-Julie
I really wish that Jesus would speak to me audibly. I want to know him more, I want to touch him, see him, hear him....I don't like being separated. I hate that my sin keeps me from being with him. I want him to come back and take me home. I long for that day with my savior. "Better is one day in his courts then thousands elsewhere," amen?
I am SO looking forward to going home for Thanksgiving next week, but I would give it up if it meant spending one day with Jesus.
My heart absolutely aches for him. My soul is full of longing for my savior. It breaks my heart to think that I won't truly be with him for a while still. Then again, I need to focus more on the time I have with him now.
Seems to be the theme of my life, huh? I always think the future will be a lot better then the present (which it is in the case of heaven, but not so much with everything else). I always look ahead, I love to dwell on what will be....but as I do that, the present passes me by. I have to learn to be still....to be quiet...to wait upon the Lord.
Peace be with you all, I love you.
-Julie
11/11/2007
More pictures!
Okay, here you go! You guys asked for pictures with me in them....so here they are. I don't like putting up pictures of myself (it fells really silly and conceited) but I guess it'd be nice for those that are back home.
Me, Marleigh and Rebecca at dinner after church:
Me and Marleigh...we have the same hair:
Striking a pose for the camera at our last performance:
I love Marliegh....but I HATE the HIDEOUS ballerina hair that they make us wear! I guess it could be worse....but I don't really see how!
Me, Marleigh and Rebecca at dinner after church:
Me and Marleigh...we have the same hair:
Striking a pose for the camera at our last performance:
I love Marliegh....but I HATE the HIDEOUS ballerina hair that they make us wear! I guess it could be worse....but I don't really see how!
11/10/2007
Hope
Sorry I've been MIA for the last few days.....it's been busy!
Just in cause you wanted to know, it's about 75 degrees here...!! That is by far my favorite thing about Mississippi.
I've been thinking about hope a lot recently. Where does my hope rest? In ballet? In my career? In my relationships? In my family? In my accomplishments? Or in Jesus?
It's so easy to set my hope on the things that are important in this world. It's so easy to think that if I just have that ONE thing, I'll be happy. Take Thanksgiving break for instance...it's been on my mind a lot lately. Some days I just feel like I'm surviving until I get to go home. That's not how I need to live. The Lord really convicted me of that the other day. I was feeling sorry for myself, wishing that time would move faster so that I could finally go home. "Julie, where is your hope? Where is your satisfaction? In me? Or in those around you?" Ouch. I think it hurt Jesus to know that I was more focused on just getting home, then I was on spending each moment with him.
I don't know when my life will end, could be in a few minutes, days, years....decades. No matter what, I should live each moment being satisfied in Jesus, not waiting for my circumstances to make me happy. I must learn to put all my hope in Jesus, and in the day he returns, not on people or events here on the earth.
So, I miss you all, but I am going to live these moments with Jesus, and I am going to learn to be more then satisfied in him.
Love,
Julie
Just in cause you wanted to know, it's about 75 degrees here...!! That is by far my favorite thing about Mississippi.
I've been thinking about hope a lot recently. Where does my hope rest? In ballet? In my career? In my relationships? In my family? In my accomplishments? Or in Jesus?
It's so easy to set my hope on the things that are important in this world. It's so easy to think that if I just have that ONE thing, I'll be happy. Take Thanksgiving break for instance...it's been on my mind a lot lately. Some days I just feel like I'm surviving until I get to go home. That's not how I need to live. The Lord really convicted me of that the other day. I was feeling sorry for myself, wishing that time would move faster so that I could finally go home. "Julie, where is your hope? Where is your satisfaction? In me? Or in those around you?" Ouch. I think it hurt Jesus to know that I was more focused on just getting home, then I was on spending each moment with him.
I don't know when my life will end, could be in a few minutes, days, years....decades. No matter what, I should live each moment being satisfied in Jesus, not waiting for my circumstances to make me happy. I must learn to put all my hope in Jesus, and in the day he returns, not on people or events here on the earth.
So, I miss you all, but I am going to live these moments with Jesus, and I am going to learn to be more then satisfied in him.
Love,
Julie
11/04/2007
Thankful
I have to let you know, this is one of the most amazing places on earth.
Where else would I be completely surrounded by godly people who are honestly seeking the Lord with their whole hearts; yet still have the opportunity to minister? It is such an amazing thing. I have SO much support from the people here, yet just enough lonliness to keep me depending on the Lord. I have everything I need, so that I am never in want, but I have little of what I want, and that reminds me of how little I actually need. Jesus seems close enough to touch sometimes, but far enough for me to see how big he really is. I am stretched, yet built up, discouraged and at the same time renewed.
I was thinking over my life today, just seeing the different stages I've been through. I thought I'd share it with you all.
1-5 years- Beginning
6-10 years- Discovering
11-13 years- Rebelling
14-15- Changing
16- Wondering
17- Waiting
Yes, this is what we at Ballet Mag call "the waiting years". You've either been there, are there, or will be there, so you can all relate to what I'm saying. I'm waiting to see what I'm supposed to do with my talents, I'm waiting to see what God wants me to do with my life, I'm waiting to see all the pieces of the puzzle come together. Waiting....patience....more waiting.....more patience. That's not to say that I'm not doing things now. I am. I am actively growing in the Lord, I am actively sharing him with the nonbelievers in my life, but in a lot of ways this is a waiting phase. (All praise to Jesus for that! It's not of my own power, just to make it clear.) Yes, it's active waiting, but still waiting. It's hard sometimes to see the usefulness of this stage. I'd love to just know what to do so that I could do it! At the same time, how could I live a life of faith if I knew every step???
The best thing about waiting is that I need Jesus so much. I think the "waiting" stages of life are some of God's favorite times with us. If I was sure about the future, I wouldn't need to spend hours in prayer, I wouldn't crave Jesus as much, I would become complacent. This waiting keeps me on my toes, constantly seeking God, constantly looking for him in everything, constantly running after him. It's hard at times, but I wouldn't trade this for anything. God is molding me into the woman he created me to be, and this waiting is the tool.
Even more wonderful is the fact that Jesus is with me. Sometimes it feels like God is saying, "Okay, you wait here, I'm going to go do some things and I'll be back." That's not at all the case. He is here, active and present in this waiting. He's sitting here with me, teaching me, loving me, molding me, as we wait together for what is next.
Isn't God brilliant? Aren't his ways perfect? Who knew that all this uncertainty about life could bring about such a change in me? And what a great place to do the waiting! I'm learning practical skills, ministry skills, building wonderful friendships all while I wait for God to call me to the next thing. He called me here to Ballet Magnificat, and he'll call me to the next thing when it's time. Until then, here I am, actively waiting, seeking, growing, not in my own strength but by the power of Jesus Christ!
Where else would I be completely surrounded by godly people who are honestly seeking the Lord with their whole hearts; yet still have the opportunity to minister? It is such an amazing thing. I have SO much support from the people here, yet just enough lonliness to keep me depending on the Lord. I have everything I need, so that I am never in want, but I have little of what I want, and that reminds me of how little I actually need. Jesus seems close enough to touch sometimes, but far enough for me to see how big he really is. I am stretched, yet built up, discouraged and at the same time renewed.
I was thinking over my life today, just seeing the different stages I've been through. I thought I'd share it with you all.
1-5 years- Beginning
6-10 years- Discovering
11-13 years- Rebelling
14-15- Changing
16- Wondering
17- Waiting
Yes, this is what we at Ballet Mag call "the waiting years". You've either been there, are there, or will be there, so you can all relate to what I'm saying. I'm waiting to see what I'm supposed to do with my talents, I'm waiting to see what God wants me to do with my life, I'm waiting to see all the pieces of the puzzle come together. Waiting....patience....more waiting.....more patience. That's not to say that I'm not doing things now. I am. I am actively growing in the Lord, I am actively sharing him with the nonbelievers in my life, but in a lot of ways this is a waiting phase. (All praise to Jesus for that! It's not of my own power, just to make it clear.) Yes, it's active waiting, but still waiting. It's hard sometimes to see the usefulness of this stage. I'd love to just know what to do so that I could do it! At the same time, how could I live a life of faith if I knew every step???
The best thing about waiting is that I need Jesus so much. I think the "waiting" stages of life are some of God's favorite times with us. If I was sure about the future, I wouldn't need to spend hours in prayer, I wouldn't crave Jesus as much, I would become complacent. This waiting keeps me on my toes, constantly seeking God, constantly looking for him in everything, constantly running after him. It's hard at times, but I wouldn't trade this for anything. God is molding me into the woman he created me to be, and this waiting is the tool.
Even more wonderful is the fact that Jesus is with me. Sometimes it feels like God is saying, "Okay, you wait here, I'm going to go do some things and I'll be back." That's not at all the case. He is here, active and present in this waiting. He's sitting here with me, teaching me, loving me, molding me, as we wait together for what is next.
Isn't God brilliant? Aren't his ways perfect? Who knew that all this uncertainty about life could bring about such a change in me? And what a great place to do the waiting! I'm learning practical skills, ministry skills, building wonderful friendships all while I wait for God to call me to the next thing. He called me here to Ballet Magnificat, and he'll call me to the next thing when it's time. Until then, here I am, actively waiting, seeking, growing, not in my own strength but by the power of Jesus Christ!
11/02/2007
Answered prayer!
Hey all! Guess what? I'm going to be working less!
For those that don't know, I've been working like crazy since I got here (30-35 hours a week, plus 35-40 hours of dance = exhausted.)
I was really convicted about all the work I've been doing....because it's causing me to neglect my time with the Lord, and with others. So anyway, it took me a while to have the courage to finally say NO. I'm cutting about ten hours off my week (SO excited!), so I'll be much more relaxed. Sure, I'll have less income, but I'd rather have time to spend with hurting friends, ministering at church, going to Bible study ect. then have all the things that money can buy. Jesus will supply every need. I am completely confident of that. I'm not just going to decide this without being practical (don't worry parents), I've adjusted my budget (did I ever mention that I LOVE budgeting? Honestly, I think it's fun!)
Anyway, I'm really, really excited! I'm praising Jesus for his goodness, and trusting him to provide. I can't wait to share with you about how he has been faithful.
Love you all!
I'm off to my last night of work! I'll only work mornings from now on!
-Julie
For those that don't know, I've been working like crazy since I got here (30-35 hours a week, plus 35-40 hours of dance = exhausted.)
I was really convicted about all the work I've been doing....because it's causing me to neglect my time with the Lord, and with others. So anyway, it took me a while to have the courage to finally say NO. I'm cutting about ten hours off my week (SO excited!), so I'll be much more relaxed. Sure, I'll have less income, but I'd rather have time to spend with hurting friends, ministering at church, going to Bible study ect. then have all the things that money can buy. Jesus will supply every need. I am completely confident of that. I'm not just going to decide this without being practical (don't worry parents), I've adjusted my budget (did I ever mention that I LOVE budgeting? Honestly, I think it's fun!)
Anyway, I'm really, really excited! I'm praising Jesus for his goodness, and trusting him to provide. I can't wait to share with you about how he has been faithful.
Love you all!
I'm off to my last night of work! I'll only work mornings from now on!
-Julie
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