Thankful

I have to let you know, this is one of the most amazing places on earth.

Where else would I be completely surrounded by godly people who are honestly seeking the Lord with their whole hearts; yet still have the opportunity to minister? It is such an amazing thing. I have SO much support from the people here, yet just enough lonliness to keep me depending on the Lord. I have everything I need, so that I am never in want, but I have little of what I want, and that reminds me of how little I actually need. Jesus seems close enough to touch sometimes, but far enough for me to see how big he really is. I am stretched, yet built up, discouraged and at the same time renewed.

I was thinking over my life today, just seeing the different stages I've been through. I thought I'd share it with you all.

1-5 years- Beginning

6-10 years- Discovering

11-13 years- Rebelling

14-15- Changing

16- Wondering

17- Waiting

Yes, this is what we at Ballet Mag call "the waiting years". You've either been there, are there, or will be there, so you can all relate to what I'm saying. I'm waiting to see what I'm supposed to do with my talents, I'm waiting to see what God wants me to do with my life, I'm waiting to see all the pieces of the puzzle come together. Waiting....patience....more waiting.....more patience. That's not to say that I'm not doing things now. I am. I am actively growing in the Lord, I am actively sharing him with the nonbelievers in my life, but in a lot of ways this is a waiting phase. (All praise to Jesus for that! It's not of my own power, just to make it clear.) Yes, it's active waiting, but still waiting. It's hard sometimes to see the usefulness of this stage. I'd love to just know what to do so that I could do it! At the same time, how could I live a life of faith if I knew every step???

The best thing about waiting is that I need Jesus so much. I think the "waiting" stages of life are some of God's favorite times with us. If I was sure about the future, I wouldn't need to spend hours in prayer, I wouldn't crave Jesus as much, I would become complacent. This waiting keeps me on my toes, constantly seeking God, constantly looking for him in everything, constantly running after him. It's hard at times, but I wouldn't trade this for anything. God is molding me into the woman he created me to be, and this waiting is the tool.

Even more wonderful is the fact that Jesus is with me. Sometimes it feels like God is saying, "Okay, you wait here, I'm going to go do some things and I'll be back." That's not at all the case. He is here, active and present in this waiting. He's sitting here with me, teaching me, loving me, molding me, as we wait together for what is next.

Isn't God brilliant? Aren't his ways perfect? Who knew that all this uncertainty about life could bring about such a change in me? And what a great place to do the waiting! I'm learning practical skills, ministry skills, building wonderful friendships all while I wait for God to call me to the next thing. He called me here to Ballet Magnificat, and he'll call me to the next thing when it's time. Until then, here I am, actively waiting, seeking, growing, not in my own strength but by the power of Jesus Christ!