"Amazing grace, how sweet the sound, that saved a wretch like me. I once was lost, but now I'm found, was blind but now I see."
I was really convicted of that today.
Jesus' grace IS sufficient for me. Nothing else in all the world can cover my sins. No matter how much time I spend doing the right thing, I can never cause God to love me more then he does right at this moment. That doesn't mean that I'll stop doing the right thing, but I'll do it because I love Jesus, not because I'll "earn" anything.
I get SO frustrated with myself when I don't live the way I should. Lately the gravity of my sin has been weighing on me. It's hard to explain to people, because by your normal-everyday-american-christian standards, I'm doing well. That's not enough! I want to be more like Jesus, and it kills me when I fail him. I guess that's good, but at the same time, I can't get so bogged down in guilt over my sin that I forget about grace. When I fail, when I do what I don't want to...when I live in fear and doubt....when I miss an opportunity to share Christ....when I speak negatively to or about someone....I need to repent and move on. It's good to be aware of how repulsive my sin is, but I can't let that frustrate me so much. I have to let the blood of Jesus wash away my frustrations.
That's a hard concept for me to grasp. Why would a perfect, amazing, holy God want me? I don't get it.I guess it's not for me to understand, but just to accept. I'll never be good enough for him, and he doesn't care. Isn't grace amazing? What a wonderful God we have! We deserve condemnation, and what do we get? Heaven. Praise his name.
It's time to stop trying to make up for my sin with good works, and just rest in Jesus' grace.
"What can wash away my sins? Nothing but the blood of Jesus."
11/18/2007
11/17/2007
Worship
Hey y'all! Again, it's been a while....sorry, I'm sure you guys have been busy too! It's just that time of year, yah know? Not that I mind, I love this season......the holidays, the leaves falling, apple cider, pumpkin pie, hot chocolate, bonfires, laying by the pool (oh wait, that's just me! It's about 75 here today)......wonderful.
Worship seems to have been the theme of my week. On Wednesday, Pastor Josh (my worhsip pastor at Christ Life Church of the Highlands), spoke on worship. It was awesome, exactly what I needed to hear. You see, I was tired on Wednesday and almost didn't go to church...but felt that I should at the last moment. Anyway, Josh's main point was that worship is a sacrifice. He pointed out that the ultimate sacrifice, the ultimate act of worship, was Jesus, dieing on the cross. In response to that, we need to worship in a way that costs us something. For me, singing a song, raising my hands, "feeling" worshipful, is not a sacrifice. I love it! Not to say that you should be miserable in worship, but if you only worship in ways that are enjoyable to you, is it really giving something to the Lord? Not to say that singing is bad, but you have to make it more then a song. For me, I have to engage my mind. I have to meditate on Jesus, I have to challenge myself to reach for more then just a feeling, or a nice melody, I have to press deeper. That's a sacrifice. It takes effort for me to really seek the Lord in worship, rather then just enjoy his presence. I guess there can be a time to just sit in wonder, but more often you have to press through the frustrations of the day in order to reach for more of Jesus.
It's a struggle to stay engaged in worship.....sometimes I'd rather just enjoy the music, or check out all together. But if worship doesn't require effort, is it really worship?
Another thing I learned about worship....it doesn't matter what language you speak, if you're worshiping Jesus, you know it. I went to a Chinese Bible study with my friend Abby yesterday....wow! It was so amazing to worship with other believers from such a different culture! These people were all Chinese college students that go to Mississippi State University. They spoke english, but most of them didn't speak it well, so we couldn't communicate much. However, when we were singing (which was all in Chinese), there was no doubt that we were worshiping the same God. I didn't have to know what they were saying, because I knew the same spirit was in them that was in me....incredible.
How amazing is our Lord? He understands everyone of his children, reguardless of language, and he has put them same Holy Spirit in each of us, to teach us and to guide us. How can we worship anyone else? He is the ONLY one that deserves my praise and devotion. Hallelujah!
-Julie
Worship seems to have been the theme of my week. On Wednesday, Pastor Josh (my worhsip pastor at Christ Life Church of the Highlands), spoke on worship. It was awesome, exactly what I needed to hear. You see, I was tired on Wednesday and almost didn't go to church...but felt that I should at the last moment. Anyway, Josh's main point was that worship is a sacrifice. He pointed out that the ultimate sacrifice, the ultimate act of worship, was Jesus, dieing on the cross. In response to that, we need to worship in a way that costs us something. For me, singing a song, raising my hands, "feeling" worshipful, is not a sacrifice. I love it! Not to say that you should be miserable in worship, but if you only worship in ways that are enjoyable to you, is it really giving something to the Lord? Not to say that singing is bad, but you have to make it more then a song. For me, I have to engage my mind. I have to meditate on Jesus, I have to challenge myself to reach for more then just a feeling, or a nice melody, I have to press deeper. That's a sacrifice. It takes effort for me to really seek the Lord in worship, rather then just enjoy his presence. I guess there can be a time to just sit in wonder, but more often you have to press through the frustrations of the day in order to reach for more of Jesus.
It's a struggle to stay engaged in worship.....sometimes I'd rather just enjoy the music, or check out all together. But if worship doesn't require effort, is it really worship?
Another thing I learned about worship....it doesn't matter what language you speak, if you're worshiping Jesus, you know it. I went to a Chinese Bible study with my friend Abby yesterday....wow! It was so amazing to worship with other believers from such a different culture! These people were all Chinese college students that go to Mississippi State University. They spoke english, but most of them didn't speak it well, so we couldn't communicate much. However, when we were singing (which was all in Chinese), there was no doubt that we were worshiping the same God. I didn't have to know what they were saying, because I knew the same spirit was in them that was in me....incredible.
How amazing is our Lord? He understands everyone of his children, reguardless of language, and he has put them same Holy Spirit in each of us, to teach us and to guide us. How can we worship anyone else? He is the ONLY one that deserves my praise and devotion. Hallelujah!
-Julie
11/13/2007
Long distance
Ever had one of those days where God seems like he's really far away? Not that he doesn't love you, or that he isn't involved, just that he's not as close as usual. Maybe I'm just crazy, I don't know, but today is one of those days. Some days it's easy to focus my thoughts on Jesus, other days it's a struggle....and then there are those days where I am constantly seeking his face, and he seems not to be found. I don't know if there's a deep emotional or psychological reason for that, but "sometimes He's further then the moon, sometimes closer then my skin." (Thank you David Crowder).
I really wish that Jesus would speak to me audibly. I want to know him more, I want to touch him, see him, hear him....I don't like being separated. I hate that my sin keeps me from being with him. I want him to come back and take me home. I long for that day with my savior. "Better is one day in his courts then thousands elsewhere," amen?
I am SO looking forward to going home for Thanksgiving next week, but I would give it up if it meant spending one day with Jesus.
My heart absolutely aches for him. My soul is full of longing for my savior. It breaks my heart to think that I won't truly be with him for a while still. Then again, I need to focus more on the time I have with him now.
Seems to be the theme of my life, huh? I always think the future will be a lot better then the present (which it is in the case of heaven, but not so much with everything else). I always look ahead, I love to dwell on what will be....but as I do that, the present passes me by. I have to learn to be still....to be quiet...to wait upon the Lord.
Peace be with you all, I love you.
-Julie
I really wish that Jesus would speak to me audibly. I want to know him more, I want to touch him, see him, hear him....I don't like being separated. I hate that my sin keeps me from being with him. I want him to come back and take me home. I long for that day with my savior. "Better is one day in his courts then thousands elsewhere," amen?
I am SO looking forward to going home for Thanksgiving next week, but I would give it up if it meant spending one day with Jesus.
My heart absolutely aches for him. My soul is full of longing for my savior. It breaks my heart to think that I won't truly be with him for a while still. Then again, I need to focus more on the time I have with him now.
Seems to be the theme of my life, huh? I always think the future will be a lot better then the present (which it is in the case of heaven, but not so much with everything else). I always look ahead, I love to dwell on what will be....but as I do that, the present passes me by. I have to learn to be still....to be quiet...to wait upon the Lord.
Peace be with you all, I love you.
-Julie
11/11/2007
More pictures!
Okay, here you go! You guys asked for pictures with me in them....so here they are. I don't like putting up pictures of myself (it fells really silly and conceited) but I guess it'd be nice for those that are back home.
Me, Marleigh and Rebecca at dinner after church:
Me and Marleigh...we have the same hair:
Striking a pose for the camera at our last performance:
I love Marliegh....but I HATE the HIDEOUS ballerina hair that they make us wear! I guess it could be worse....but I don't really see how!
Me, Marleigh and Rebecca at dinner after church:
Me and Marleigh...we have the same hair:
Striking a pose for the camera at our last performance:
I love Marliegh....but I HATE the HIDEOUS ballerina hair that they make us wear! I guess it could be worse....but I don't really see how!
11/10/2007
Hope
Sorry I've been MIA for the last few days.....it's been busy!
Just in cause you wanted to know, it's about 75 degrees here...!! That is by far my favorite thing about Mississippi.
I've been thinking about hope a lot recently. Where does my hope rest? In ballet? In my career? In my relationships? In my family? In my accomplishments? Or in Jesus?
It's so easy to set my hope on the things that are important in this world. It's so easy to think that if I just have that ONE thing, I'll be happy. Take Thanksgiving break for instance...it's been on my mind a lot lately. Some days I just feel like I'm surviving until I get to go home. That's not how I need to live. The Lord really convicted me of that the other day. I was feeling sorry for myself, wishing that time would move faster so that I could finally go home. "Julie, where is your hope? Where is your satisfaction? In me? Or in those around you?" Ouch. I think it hurt Jesus to know that I was more focused on just getting home, then I was on spending each moment with him.
I don't know when my life will end, could be in a few minutes, days, years....decades. No matter what, I should live each moment being satisfied in Jesus, not waiting for my circumstances to make me happy. I must learn to put all my hope in Jesus, and in the day he returns, not on people or events here on the earth.
So, I miss you all, but I am going to live these moments with Jesus, and I am going to learn to be more then satisfied in him.
Love,
Julie
Just in cause you wanted to know, it's about 75 degrees here...!! That is by far my favorite thing about Mississippi.
I've been thinking about hope a lot recently. Where does my hope rest? In ballet? In my career? In my relationships? In my family? In my accomplishments? Or in Jesus?
It's so easy to set my hope on the things that are important in this world. It's so easy to think that if I just have that ONE thing, I'll be happy. Take Thanksgiving break for instance...it's been on my mind a lot lately. Some days I just feel like I'm surviving until I get to go home. That's not how I need to live. The Lord really convicted me of that the other day. I was feeling sorry for myself, wishing that time would move faster so that I could finally go home. "Julie, where is your hope? Where is your satisfaction? In me? Or in those around you?" Ouch. I think it hurt Jesus to know that I was more focused on just getting home, then I was on spending each moment with him.
I don't know when my life will end, could be in a few minutes, days, years....decades. No matter what, I should live each moment being satisfied in Jesus, not waiting for my circumstances to make me happy. I must learn to put all my hope in Jesus, and in the day he returns, not on people or events here on the earth.
So, I miss you all, but I am going to live these moments with Jesus, and I am going to learn to be more then satisfied in him.
Love,
Julie
11/04/2007
Thankful
I have to let you know, this is one of the most amazing places on earth.
Where else would I be completely surrounded by godly people who are honestly seeking the Lord with their whole hearts; yet still have the opportunity to minister? It is such an amazing thing. I have SO much support from the people here, yet just enough lonliness to keep me depending on the Lord. I have everything I need, so that I am never in want, but I have little of what I want, and that reminds me of how little I actually need. Jesus seems close enough to touch sometimes, but far enough for me to see how big he really is. I am stretched, yet built up, discouraged and at the same time renewed.
I was thinking over my life today, just seeing the different stages I've been through. I thought I'd share it with you all.
1-5 years- Beginning
6-10 years- Discovering
11-13 years- Rebelling
14-15- Changing
16- Wondering
17- Waiting
Yes, this is what we at Ballet Mag call "the waiting years". You've either been there, are there, or will be there, so you can all relate to what I'm saying. I'm waiting to see what I'm supposed to do with my talents, I'm waiting to see what God wants me to do with my life, I'm waiting to see all the pieces of the puzzle come together. Waiting....patience....more waiting.....more patience. That's not to say that I'm not doing things now. I am. I am actively growing in the Lord, I am actively sharing him with the nonbelievers in my life, but in a lot of ways this is a waiting phase. (All praise to Jesus for that! It's not of my own power, just to make it clear.) Yes, it's active waiting, but still waiting. It's hard sometimes to see the usefulness of this stage. I'd love to just know what to do so that I could do it! At the same time, how could I live a life of faith if I knew every step???
The best thing about waiting is that I need Jesus so much. I think the "waiting" stages of life are some of God's favorite times with us. If I was sure about the future, I wouldn't need to spend hours in prayer, I wouldn't crave Jesus as much, I would become complacent. This waiting keeps me on my toes, constantly seeking God, constantly looking for him in everything, constantly running after him. It's hard at times, but I wouldn't trade this for anything. God is molding me into the woman he created me to be, and this waiting is the tool.
Even more wonderful is the fact that Jesus is with me. Sometimes it feels like God is saying, "Okay, you wait here, I'm going to go do some things and I'll be back." That's not at all the case. He is here, active and present in this waiting. He's sitting here with me, teaching me, loving me, molding me, as we wait together for what is next.
Isn't God brilliant? Aren't his ways perfect? Who knew that all this uncertainty about life could bring about such a change in me? And what a great place to do the waiting! I'm learning practical skills, ministry skills, building wonderful friendships all while I wait for God to call me to the next thing. He called me here to Ballet Magnificat, and he'll call me to the next thing when it's time. Until then, here I am, actively waiting, seeking, growing, not in my own strength but by the power of Jesus Christ!
Where else would I be completely surrounded by godly people who are honestly seeking the Lord with their whole hearts; yet still have the opportunity to minister? It is such an amazing thing. I have SO much support from the people here, yet just enough lonliness to keep me depending on the Lord. I have everything I need, so that I am never in want, but I have little of what I want, and that reminds me of how little I actually need. Jesus seems close enough to touch sometimes, but far enough for me to see how big he really is. I am stretched, yet built up, discouraged and at the same time renewed.
I was thinking over my life today, just seeing the different stages I've been through. I thought I'd share it with you all.
1-5 years- Beginning
6-10 years- Discovering
11-13 years- Rebelling
14-15- Changing
16- Wondering
17- Waiting
Yes, this is what we at Ballet Mag call "the waiting years". You've either been there, are there, or will be there, so you can all relate to what I'm saying. I'm waiting to see what I'm supposed to do with my talents, I'm waiting to see what God wants me to do with my life, I'm waiting to see all the pieces of the puzzle come together. Waiting....patience....more waiting.....more patience. That's not to say that I'm not doing things now. I am. I am actively growing in the Lord, I am actively sharing him with the nonbelievers in my life, but in a lot of ways this is a waiting phase. (All praise to Jesus for that! It's not of my own power, just to make it clear.) Yes, it's active waiting, but still waiting. It's hard sometimes to see the usefulness of this stage. I'd love to just know what to do so that I could do it! At the same time, how could I live a life of faith if I knew every step???
The best thing about waiting is that I need Jesus so much. I think the "waiting" stages of life are some of God's favorite times with us. If I was sure about the future, I wouldn't need to spend hours in prayer, I wouldn't crave Jesus as much, I would become complacent. This waiting keeps me on my toes, constantly seeking God, constantly looking for him in everything, constantly running after him. It's hard at times, but I wouldn't trade this for anything. God is molding me into the woman he created me to be, and this waiting is the tool.
Even more wonderful is the fact that Jesus is with me. Sometimes it feels like God is saying, "Okay, you wait here, I'm going to go do some things and I'll be back." That's not at all the case. He is here, active and present in this waiting. He's sitting here with me, teaching me, loving me, molding me, as we wait together for what is next.
Isn't God brilliant? Aren't his ways perfect? Who knew that all this uncertainty about life could bring about such a change in me? And what a great place to do the waiting! I'm learning practical skills, ministry skills, building wonderful friendships all while I wait for God to call me to the next thing. He called me here to Ballet Magnificat, and he'll call me to the next thing when it's time. Until then, here I am, actively waiting, seeking, growing, not in my own strength but by the power of Jesus Christ!
11/02/2007
Answered prayer!
Hey all! Guess what? I'm going to be working less!
For those that don't know, I've been working like crazy since I got here (30-35 hours a week, plus 35-40 hours of dance = exhausted.)
I was really convicted about all the work I've been doing....because it's causing me to neglect my time with the Lord, and with others. So anyway, it took me a while to have the courage to finally say NO. I'm cutting about ten hours off my week (SO excited!), so I'll be much more relaxed. Sure, I'll have less income, but I'd rather have time to spend with hurting friends, ministering at church, going to Bible study ect. then have all the things that money can buy. Jesus will supply every need. I am completely confident of that. I'm not just going to decide this without being practical (don't worry parents), I've adjusted my budget (did I ever mention that I LOVE budgeting? Honestly, I think it's fun!)
Anyway, I'm really, really excited! I'm praising Jesus for his goodness, and trusting him to provide. I can't wait to share with you about how he has been faithful.
Love you all!
I'm off to my last night of work! I'll only work mornings from now on!
-Julie
For those that don't know, I've been working like crazy since I got here (30-35 hours a week, plus 35-40 hours of dance = exhausted.)
I was really convicted about all the work I've been doing....because it's causing me to neglect my time with the Lord, and with others. So anyway, it took me a while to have the courage to finally say NO. I'm cutting about ten hours off my week (SO excited!), so I'll be much more relaxed. Sure, I'll have less income, but I'd rather have time to spend with hurting friends, ministering at church, going to Bible study ect. then have all the things that money can buy. Jesus will supply every need. I am completely confident of that. I'm not just going to decide this without being practical (don't worry parents), I've adjusted my budget (did I ever mention that I LOVE budgeting? Honestly, I think it's fun!)
Anyway, I'm really, really excited! I'm praising Jesus for his goodness, and trusting him to provide. I can't wait to share with you about how he has been faithful.
Love you all!
I'm off to my last night of work! I'll only work mornings from now on!
-Julie
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